HEY GUY'S ZOE'S GONE.
QUICK INVITE EVERYONE OVER.
WE CAN DRINK ALL OF MOM AND DAD'S BOOZE!
This week should be a party. You'll have to take Zoe's place in my life, which I don't know if you're all equipped to do. Can you field 4 AM texts that simply read "Halhalhalhalhal :'( "? Can you deal with random outbursts about the lack of appreciation of Jeff Taffe in the world? Will you lie to me and tell me that Shanny will wear a Pens sweater for at least a month before retiring? What about Kovie? Colby?
No. You are not qualified.
But I imagine we'll get by.
We'd like to thank everyone who called/texted/emailed/commented/IMed/facebook messaged us to tell us about the beautiful Fattie Nash's contract extension.
This pimp is a huge deal to us. Apparently you guys know it.
An eight year contract with the Jackets is exactly what we wanted to see out of Nash. We want him with that organization basically until the day we die. Or until he dies. Whichever comes first. But I think we can all agree that no one wants to outlive Fattie Nash. What a strange, cold world that would be.
Make no mistake, we never want Nash in black and gold. He's a Jacket, and that's the way we want him to remain.
Looks like this free agency isn't all about crushing our dreams.
Speaking of free agency, can we suggest that you just avoid listening to rumors? If rumors, even the "omgz basically confirmed!!!11!!" ones, were always true, Kovie would be a King, an Oiler, a Cane, an Islander, a Sabre and a Capital. And probably some others that I don't feel like mentioning.
Petr would be gone like a year ago if you were listening to Eklund.
So try not to let it all get to you. At this point the best thing you can do is go get trashed for the fourth and let a friend text you if something terrible happens.
Happy 4th of July.
Let's take a moment to honor an American Hero.
Mark "30 Dicks" Eaton.
American Hero.
Wooooooooooooooo.
Gofireworks! Pens!
QUICK INVITE EVERYONE OVER.
WE CAN DRINK ALL OF MOM AND DAD'S BOOZE!
This week should be a party. You'll have to take Zoe's place in my life, which I don't know if you're all equipped to do. Can you field 4 AM texts that simply read "Halhalhalhalhal :'( "? Can you deal with random outbursts about the lack of appreciation of Jeff Taffe in the world? Will you lie to me and tell me that Shanny will wear a Pens sweater for at least a month before retiring? What about Kovie? Colby?
No. You are not qualified.
But I imagine we'll get by.
We'd like to thank everyone who called/texted/emailed/commented/IMed/facebook messaged us to tell us about the beautiful Fattie Nash's contract extension.
This pimp is a huge deal to us. Apparently you guys know it.An eight year contract with the Jackets is exactly what we wanted to see out of Nash. We want him with that organization basically until the day we die. Or until he dies. Whichever comes first. But I think we can all agree that no one wants to outlive Fattie Nash. What a strange, cold world that would be.
Make no mistake, we never want Nash in black and gold. He's a Jacket, and that's the way we want him to remain.
Looks like this free agency isn't all about crushing our dreams.
Speaking of free agency, can we suggest that you just avoid listening to rumors? If rumors, even the "omgz basically confirmed!!!11!!" ones, were always true, Kovie would be a King, an Oiler, a Cane, an Islander, a Sabre and a Capital. And probably some others that I don't feel like mentioning.
Petr would be gone like a year ago if you were listening to Eklund.
So try not to let it all get to you. At this point the best thing you can do is go get trashed for the fourth and let a friend text you if something terrible happens.
Happy 4th of July.
Let's take a moment to honor an American Hero.
Mark "30 Dicks" Eaton.American Hero.
Wooooooooooooooo.
Go
12 comments:
Oh Mark Eaton. What a thing of beauty. 30 dicks, you say? Oh baby. What a man. And Fattie Nash. . .so delicious.
And let's have hope for Petr, even though I would like to officially proclaim that Petr Fever is never, ever leaving my body. It's that infectious. And quite frankly, I like it.
Kim anytime you need to talk about Jeff Taffe, I'm your girl. when I was at a game in WBS I yelled for him the entire time and got funny looks
Kovy definites PREFERS Pittsburgh to all other (lesser) NHL destinations. He wants to retire here, really. He also told me he thinks we're all hot, and would bang us if it made our Fourth of July celebrations that much more stupendous. Which it would. Mmmm, fireworks.
To take everyone's mind off of the departures of Scuds and Jeff Taffe, here is a Blingee. Its thoroughly ridiculous.
Nash re-upping in CBJ has crushed the dreams of Leafs fans across the fucking world.
Fuck.
Fuck this summer.
Mark Eaton, i love you. Thank you for all you do. Because your awesomeness radiates throughout the world.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!
I want Upper Deck or someone to put out a 2008-2009 Stanley Cup Champions edition of the Penguins, but one in which the theme is "American Hero." The back would have stats and lil' pictures of how they liberated Pittsburgh from the tyranny of evil and boring play of the Detroit Red Wings.
And instead of the standard team photo mug shots, each would have their photo taken with an Uncle Sam hat.
I want someone to get on this.
Also, poor Hal Gill is now going to be forever known in Montreal-way as the tallest Hab ever. The title of the post on the Habs' website is "It's Always a Small World for Gill." Seriously, are they going to play the Disney "It's A Small World, After All" whenever he's introduced on ice? The munchkins in Montreal are mocking Skillzy!!!
That being said, they did good in using my favorite "Wow, Hal Gill is big" photo, when he stared down Rat-faced LaRose.
I've recently realized that the 2008-2009 Pens roster is like an All-America-All-Quebec Team. Except Gonch, Feds, Petr, and Geno, it seems like everyone worth their salt is either An American Hero or from la belle province.
I think even Sid counts as an honorary French-Canadian since he played in Rimouski...
Yay about Chubs signing with the BJs; that made my day. The one that Dany Heatley keeps insisting on ruining.
Omfggg. $y whole life is a blingee. Right now. The skyy is likme colors and blingisifed. Like. Peart one of my contract extension woooahhhhhooooooo. :-). Happy bday mericas. Hahaha. I still love my scudsyyyy. Go penguin. Ps. Woumd up in steeler bar right nows
@MadMax84 I was about to go to work Photoshopping something for you and then remembered I'm on my brother's computer, which is Photoshopless, because I broke my own damn computer. damn.
@Candy Man Fan: You are an amazing human, and I appreciate the effort and attempt. I too am without Photoshop, or I'd be churning those puppies out.
Side note: I had to explain to my sister yesterday the difference between "Fattie" Nash and Fat Osgood. She was like, "Wait, I thought Puck Huffers liked Nash."
Me: "They do."
Her: "Well, then why do they call him fat?"
Me: "No, no, no, with Osgood, he's fat. He's a fat marshmallow of awfulness. With Hartnell, he's just a fat fuck. But with Fattie Nash, it's a term of endearment."
Her: "... Oh."
Ah, the confusing aspects of fatness in the hockey blogosphere.
@Allison: Re-signing with PH has brought out your A-game. Way to celebrate the birth of our nation. I tip my hat to you, good commenter.
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