maybe we shouldn't have

First and foremost, I'd like to say how amazing it is to be able to watch the Pens game on FSN Pittsburgh on a television set in the privacy of one's own home.
Sure beats listening to Mike Lange at 1 in the morning.
Sit down with a steak and we're good to go.
The PH recap train is really fucking late again, but at least we're making it home for the holidays. . .albeit to new and apparently unreliable ISPs that shut down randomly at 4 in the morning and don't turn back on until 11. . .but we are determined to delivering your recaps and, damn it, you're going to get them.
This one goes out to Bobby Errey. The lulz were manifest.

We didn't dominate this one.
The Pens haven't necessarily dominated all of the games they've won.
But part of winning is luck and chance, too. And watching the other team fail when they have every chance in the world to put it home.
Oh, and Fleury.
Shit.

EARLIEST MOMENT YOU RELISHED
First shift, Crosby makes Pronger look like an idiot.
The Flyers promptly argue the issue by having Jeff Carter score some big goal.
Or at least it would be big if the Flyers understood hockey. After the goal Dupes goes to the runway and you think it's going to be a long night. I mean, it is, but not the way you think.

Dan Carcillo and his porn stache then high-stick Crosby in epic appreciation of how much he "sucks."
The PP somehow puts itself in business.
Guerin behaves with poise and grit all at the same time.
1-1 very quickly.

FIGHT THAT STIMULATED THE LEAST SHOTS
Rupp and Asham drop 'em and dance.
The hockey that follows is disconcertingly boring.
This picture might be from it.
We're not sure.

MOMENT YOU KNEW WE WEREN'T GOING TO SCORE
Jeff Carter gets some random roughing penalty and you figure we've already used up our luck and effort on the power play for the evening. We're not actually in the offensive zone much and it's really sad to watch.
Richards and Chris Pronger try to get closer to one another, but Sid is always in the goddamned way.
blahblahblah period.

FUCK THIS NOISE
Early in the second, the Flyers have some incredible shift that the Pens manage to survive. A bad clearing attempt somehow makes it onto Claude Giroux's stick right in front of the net.
Claude celebrates the miracle of creamsicle orange on his body.
Okay, the Pens really look off their shit at this point. It's not cool.
Giroux then goes to the box, which makes you LOL at Philly, but Fleury has to make an enormous shorthanded save on Carter.
Thank Curry Malkin takes a penalty to even things out.
But then the Flyers take another penalty.
We never want to be on the PP ever again, honestly.

MOMENT THAT SUCKED THE MOST
Another Pens power play, and Crosby unleashes a slapshot from close range.
The Wach understands how much this moment sucks and has not provided us with a press photograph.
Suffice it to say, it was terrible. H/T to Chris Pronger for the turnover.

MOMENTS THAT MOST REMINDED YOU OF A BRICK WALL
Arron Asham somehow gets a little breakaway. Fleury. And the rebound. Fleury. And then he gave it away to Carcillo and then he made the save anyway. Fleury. Jesus Christ.
Beast.
Fedotenko goes to the runway to end the period and you realize that the Pens haven't actually been doing anything and Fleury is the only reason we are even in the game.
The third is going to be gross. You can tell.

PERIOD THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
It takes a minute for the Pens to get their wheels in the third, but once they do, some things start happening. Malkin has his chances. There's an enormous 3 on 2 play but Jesus hates us.
Carcillo tries to rape Gogo, much to our chagrin.
Boys are working hard and trying to get it back. When they fuck up, Fleury is there. Giving us a chance to win.
Carcillo's mustache is producing more grease and pedophilia than we know what to do with.

The Pens manage a huge shift but the puck never actually gets on net.
Fleury answers the huge shift with more huge saves. When he makes a save they say CROSBY SUCKS. Excuse us, Philly, you're chanting for the wrong player right there.

Pronger ices the puck with 15.9 seconds left in a stunning display of Richards-caliber Leadership.
Nothing happens, though.
OT again?

WORST HOCKEY EVER
Orpik and Carcillo get matching minors early in OT, so we have to play 3 on 3.
Like, not even kidding.
Everyone looks extremely confused and out of their element and nobody knows what to do with their lives.
Carcillo could have masturbated at center ice and nobody would have noticed.
Everyone puts in an order for nachos.
Richards whines all Sidney-Crosby-like at the referee about how he didn't get enough nacho cheese with his.

Shootout? Really? But the nachos aren't even here yet.
And now we have a chance to win a game that we probably don't have any business winning.

MOST PERFECTION
The shootout is really special.
Here comes Briere. He like. . .can't even shoot it.
Here comes Ktang. Brian Boucher fell for his fake like it was a glance across the room at an eighth grade dance. Advantage.
Here comes Giroux. Fleury ruins his existence with the poke-check or maybe Giroux just sucked--we will never know.
Here comes Sid. He whiffs on it a little. But, uh, it goes in anyway.


PENS WIN
3-2 SO
LEADERSHIP

MOST FUCKED UP NACHO ORDER

Brian Boucher's. Wanted chili with his.

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Chris Pronger - Clearly saving his team.
2. Sidney Crosby - Of course the Wach didn't give him a real star. Of course.
3. Sergei Gonchar - Sweetie did you really have to pull a Hal Gill and put Carter's goal in with your glove? It's okay we love you anyway and HAL WE MISS YOU TOO WE'RE JUST PLAYIN'.
(If you can't make fun of yourself a little you don't deserve to win.)

PH will resume its regular schedule effective immediately.

Oh, and: Thoughts?
Would be epic, but excessive.
Calgary getting an outdoor game next year would be the shit either way.

GO PENS.