By this invitation only, we are holding our first mountaintop picnic of the season.
The above invitation is presented to the following individuals:
Mr. Semen Varlamov, of Russia
to ensure that the American women do not eat so much and become fat
Mr. Ryan Whitney, of Massachusetts
because we hear they do not have chocolate cake in Edmonton
Mr. Daniel Carcillo, of King City, Ontario, Canada
so that we can watch him eat corn on the cob
Mr. Brendan Shanahan, of Ontario, Canada
in case zombies attack during the picnic and Mrs. Davidson-Nash requires assistance with the Earth's defenses
Mr. Ilya Bryzgalov, of Russia
so that he will wear this shirt and lead the existential debate scheduled to begin at 3:25p
Mr. Patrick Sharp, of Manitoba
so he can bring the Cup and blind everyone with its shine
Mr. Jakub Voráček, of Kladno, former Czechoslovakia
for his impeccable skills at pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey
Mr. Joe Thornton, of Ontario
because we need someone to leer at the women
Mr. Bobby Ryan, of New Jersey
because he will eat all of the food before the ants get to it, and Patrick can teach him about Stanley Cups
Mr. Peter Harrold, of Kirtland Hills, Ohio
. . .because
Mr. Michael Ryder, of Newfoundland, Canada
to spite him
Mr. James van Riemsdyk, of New Jersey
because Mr. Carcillo needs someone to talk to
Mr. Wojtek Wolski, of Poland
in case Mr. Ryder pushes anyone off of a porch
Mr. Luke Schenn, of Saskatoon
as he attends all of the teas held by the widow Worsley
Mr. Shane O'Brien, of Ontario, Canada
may be indisposed and unable to attend, but Ms. Carcillo-Winnik-Goligoski would not want to overlook his interest
A specially made quilt will be laid out on the Lawn, made of vintage game-worn jerseys, treated especially for softness.
Mr. Cameron Ward, our co-coordinator of this event, will give a short address and serve cocktails promptly at 2p.
This is a closed event. Please check with your hostesses before bringing a guest.
Consider this a pre-party for the Puck Huffers Awards Show, which shall commence on the twenty-third of June.
Have a pleasant day.
Brent Sopel and his family will be marching in Chicago's Gay Pride Parade this weekend, and so will the Cup
Matt Cooke has signed for 3 years at 1.8m cap hit. Thank goodness 'cause no offense, Mattie, but we didn't want to have to invite you to any of our Pity Picnics.
and the rest