As I was watching the horror unfold last night, I came upon this solid gold image:
Immediately, I knew that horse and goat were doing an interpretive dance representing the playoffs relationship between Kaner and Big Buff.
Press realized they had a gem of a story in their laps when they read Byfuglien's stat sheet and said, "NO WAI" to his listed weight of 257. That's what it takes for the press to get all into it. 257.
Up first is the kind of article that would make even Beth Ditto squirm. And it was linked to the front page of MSN, so America, Hockey. Hockey, America.
"You are probably going to ask me until I'm done playing," Byfuglien said. "Maybe you'll still ask about my weight then. It's going to be an issue I'll have to deal with." Awww. Orca fat.
Writer calls Buff "sturdy" and Patty Kane skirts the whole issue like a pro. Beautiful.
The only one dealing with this important issue in a constructive manner is none other than semi-official Blackhawk mascot and famous sort of fat dude, Vince Vaugh.
Soothing Dustin's insecurity one bite at a time.
Vince's solution? FEED HIM. And his lady. Vaugh's out on the town, looks over to see Byfuglien gorging himself, and picks up the tab. It's sushi so it's healthy? Please consult with Coach before you do this again, Vince. And do not feed Eager, he's looking "sturdy", too.