an examination of suck

Written by PH Staff on Monday, 25 October 2010 17:03.

DID YOU KNOW
That the Pittsburgh Penguins, with their gain of one point in the loss to the Blues, happen to be leading the division?
The Isles have the edge in the games played category, but say they lose in regulation on Wednesday to Montreal--it's legit ours. The hold is tenuous and will change throughout the season. We all know this. But hey, it's pretty cool. Don't you think so, Sid?

What's that, boo?
You're still pissed at Jaro?
Us too.
important aside: an ethereal source told us that there were hair points for Sid in the Blues game, but we must have missed it. Help? E-mail us.

But things are going to be okay. That's the nugget of information to gain from this section of the post: the Pens are not doing too badly. And our expectations are not as lofty as they have been in the past. The boys are free to be. We are pleased with this. Of course we have to own everyone, but the ownage lacks the desperate virgin fumblings of seasons past, as well as the unrealistic, fantastical urges.

GUESS WHO'S NOT LEADING THE DIVISION

Oh Uncle Dad!

You have to admit that you were a little scared of the Devils this season. The acquisition of Moose, who has a tendency to play lights out and pimp strut against the Pens, plus Kovalchuk, plus Fatass in general, plus all the other fetal pigs on the spit out there in Jersey. . .I mean, they were supposed to be hard to beat.
This has decidedly not been the case.
How do you comprehend a team that is 0-4-1 at home, 2-0-2 on the road, and has a goal differential of -15?
It could be their system and age catching up with them. We haven't loved the Devils since they fostered Petr Sykora in his youth, and clearly that hasn't worked out to extreme long-term advantage, since he almost got kicked out of the Czech League or some shit (Czech League officials, hide your wives, kids, and husbands).

Point is: the Devils are officially the team that we feared we would be when we lost those first home games. We may have simply passed on a curse. Dragged a beast into their home and left it to bleed on the carpet.
. . .We're totally cool with this.

In other news, the Capitals still think we are all fatasses. Ovechkin has joined Varlamov in the legion of Washington Capitals players who will never date us because of our hips. Damn. Crushed? Tears of pearls, for realsies.

Hair League updates will come tomorrow along with possible other goodies.

GO PENS.