Because it is a down day with no specific feature (the return of Everyday Tasks is breathing down your necks, can you feel it?) it is time for us to assist you in getting your minds right once again. For those of you just tuning in this season, we feel a duty to catch you up on some PH legend and lore. It is, as we stated previously, sort of a PH users manual, just in case you get confused, or lost, or bored. We want you to know us better. We want to know you better.We want to be able to snap our fingers and have an instant orgy, if need be. But we aren't President Tyler Kennedy Esq, so we don't know if that last part will ever happen. But the first two can. Pay attention.
Without any further delay, and no more ado, we bring you:
LESSON #2: PEPPER
Pepper is an age old tradition here at PH. Certain things are just so ingrained into PH lore that we have a hard time thinking of hockey without thinking of them. Somehow, somewhere along the lines, Pepper got involved in this.
It was the first offday of the Dan Bylsma era, and the people needed some lovin'. Around this time of last season, we were looking for some serious ways to start encouraging the weakened masses. We still knew we were going to win the Cup. We were running out of ways to keep spirits up as the process began.
Mr. Pepper stepped in to save the day.
For some reason in GIMP 2.6 for Mac OSX, there is a paintbrush called simply "pepper."
Pepper, who since has gained a personality of his own (he's a sort of an international spy, but you didn't hear it from us), brought life back into our season.
He also tore the life from other, less deserving teams.
Pepper's time with us is precious, and every moment he drops by in the world of hockey is an important one. To prove this to you, we have a sort of celebrity photo-album; pictures of Pepper with some other important people of our world and times.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel recently spent some time with Pepper discussing the possibility of sending additional German troops to Afghanistan. While Pepper was against the additional troops, Merkel convinced him that the increased NATO pressure was an important thing to consider when making such decisions.
Pepper had a brief, albeit lively discussion with the pope when he stopped in to see the exact feelings of the Catholics on the subject of BDSM. This event followed Pepper's establishment of his own sex dungeon in northern Mississippi, as he felt that it would not be "just right" if it had not been blessed by the pope. The Vatican declined all of PH's interview requests on the subject, although did vaguely whisper something that sounded like "Curry Bless" as they hung up the phone.
Here is Pepper during a recent trip to visit President Obama, just to "shoot the shit." The two get beers every Saturday afternoon as they discuss foreign policy and their fantasy football leagues.
Pepper has also appeared in many important cinematic adventures, including exactly 72 cameos in the film Tombstone. He often claims that working with Val Kilmer was the closest he has ever gotten to truly being content in life.
Those of you who have been around for a long time also understand the importance of Damon Albarn to the world of ice hockey. Between sex, hockey, and Song #2, without him, our lives would be meaningless. We may elaborate in another lesson. He and Pepper meet biweekly to discuss the NHL, and then phone conference us on the second of every month to get our opinion on the progress of the Penguins, and what they can do to help.
So, there you have it.
Pepper is one of the ultimate secrets to our success and happiness as human beings.
You can catch pepper from time to time lurking in the runways at a hockey game, dashing out of a room you have only just entered, sneaking across the set of your favorite Hollywood Blockbuster, or simply in the glint of your favorite player's face mask.
We'll see you out there tomorrow.
Sleep tight. Pepper's watching.
Go Pens.
Without any further delay, and no more ado, we bring you:
LESSON #2: PEPPER
Pepper is an age old tradition here at PH. Certain things are just so ingrained into PH lore that we have a hard time thinking of hockey without thinking of them. Somehow, somewhere along the lines, Pepper got involved in this.
It was the first offday of the Dan Bylsma era, and the people needed some lovin'. Around this time of last season, we were looking for some serious ways to start encouraging the weakened masses. We still knew we were going to win the Cup. We were running out of ways to keep spirits up as the process began.
Mr. Pepper stepped in to save the day.
For some reason in GIMP 2.6 for Mac OSX, there is a paintbrush called simply "pepper."
Pepper, who since has gained a personality of his own (he's a sort of an international spy, but you didn't hear it from us), brought life back into our season.
He also tore the life from other, less deserving teams.Pepper's time with us is precious, and every moment he drops by in the world of hockey is an important one. To prove this to you, we have a sort of celebrity photo-album; pictures of Pepper with some other important people of our world and times.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel recently spent some time with Pepper discussing the possibility of sending additional German troops to Afghanistan. While Pepper was against the additional troops, Merkel convinced him that the increased NATO pressure was an important thing to consider when making such decisions.Pepper had a brief, albeit lively discussion with the pope when he stopped in to see the exact feelings of the Catholics on the subject of BDSM. This event followed Pepper's establishment of his own sex dungeon in northern Mississippi, as he felt that it would not be "just right" if it had not been blessed by the pope. The Vatican declined all of PH's interview requests on the subject, although did vaguely whisper something that sounded like "Curry Bless" as they hung up the phone. Here is Pepper during a recent trip to visit President Obama, just to "shoot the shit." The two get beers every Saturday afternoon as they discuss foreign policy and their fantasy football leagues. Pepper has also appeared in many important cinematic adventures, including exactly 72 cameos in the film Tombstone. He often claims that working with Val Kilmer was the closest he has ever gotten to truly being content in life. Those of you who have been around for a long time also understand the importance of Damon Albarn to the world of ice hockey. Between sex, hockey, and Song #2, without him, our lives would be meaningless. We may elaborate in another lesson. He and Pepper meet biweekly to discuss the NHL, and then phone conference us on the second of every month to get our opinion on the progress of the Penguins, and what they can do to help.So, there you have it.
Pepper is one of the ultimate secrets to our success and happiness as human beings.
You can catch pepper from time to time lurking in the runways at a hockey game, dashing out of a room you have only just entered, sneaking across the set of your favorite Hollywood Blockbuster, or simply in the glint of your favorite player's face mask.
We'll see you out there tomorrow.
Sleep tight. Pepper's watching.
Go Pens.
10 comments:
Loved the Val Kilmer reference. The whole piece is exactly the reason I check the site daily even when I know there isn't a game on ;)
Oh yes! It stopped referring to me as "Question" !
I can't believe I had you pegged as parm snobs:
"Shaved? Grated?"
"Grated! No, wait. Shaved!"
"Sure about that?"
"Yeah, no. Grated!"
"Whatever, bitches..."
I stand corrected. You are distinguished peppiers. So, is it okay to rock cracked pepper (my preference) or is your pepper always green? Is the green pepper taint required for maximum peppery?
This is an exciting new tradition. Unleashing pepper is a great strategy to jar players out of their often ineffectual, boring old superstitions. They're all about the salt - tossing pink Himalayan salt crystals over their shoulders for the moj... It's so Trottier circa 1981.
I remember encountering the Pepper brush when I was first learning graphics programs. (I had to learn them to get my interior decorating certification and promptly forgot them all. I took those classes 'cause I love to drape fabric, mix paint, and crawl on the floor with a tape measure, not make floor plan graphics on the computer!)
Anyway, I thought the Pepper brush was just weird, that perhaps the programmer reaaaaallllly loved bell peppers. I learned the truth here. Thank you for enlightening me and freeing me from tired old misconceptions.
But I have a question--if I have stuffed bell peppers or put green peppers on a pizza on game night, is that a tribute or an insult to Pepper?
Ditto - very confused/concerned re: PH etiquette for cooking pepper. Are the seeds cool? Do you insist that the pepper be raw and/or unwashed?
Raw? Unwashed? Heh?
To further upon MouthGuard and CrackerLilo's excellent questions I was wondering how Pepper's extended family, the red and yellow of the Bell Peppers fit in, how do they differ from green, what distinct effects they have over players. And if not over players than who?
I heard a rumour that Pepper was actually the influence behind the name Red Hot Chili Peppers, but Pepper didn't dig the music and refused to allow his name to be associated with the act. The Chili Pepper of Venezuela than stepped up as agent and idol to the band, and thus a band name was born. Any comments as to the validity of the rumour?
And does anybody else have nightmares over the pope's picture? He looks more like the living corpse of Brierre than leader of the Vatican City and Catholic Church. Let's not even try to spin doctor Brierre into the post of pontiff PLEASE. I'm screwed up enough thank you.
@everyone - Pepper has been around awhile. Check our "best of" pages, yo.
Best teaching entry ever. Hands down. Makes me want to have stuffed peppers but don't tell Mr. Pepper that.
As for mentioning Damon Albarn, I fucking love Blur. (True story... Mr. Albarn and Graham Coxon are both on facebook as in for real, for real!) I still would kill to hear "There's No Other Way" at a game. I mean sure "Song 2" is the we kick your ass song, but "There's No Other Way" is the song that says this is how it's done and you suck lol. I welcome for more brit pop to be played at NHL events. (Oasis or Pulp, please?!)
One last thing as I'm experiencing bad blizzard conditions, Game on!
What is GIMP? And where can I get it?
@em.ily GIMP is a free image manipulation program similar to photoshop, but without a lot of the bells and whistles. Can be acquired at gimp.org
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