Okay, let me get this out of the way, I am about to throw a little fit here, and any of you turkeys that get in the way are going to face the wrath of Curry and my fists.
If anyone ruins this moment for me, you suck a bag of dicks.
After years of pleading and praying and doing tribal dances and smearing ourselves with the blood of virgins, the unthinkably divine has happened.
Alexei Kovalev is coming home to the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Seeing as the last time I concerned myself with Kovie in trade season it was when I cried, face down in a dirty pile of laundry for an entire day (until my family had to intervene) because he was moving to my then-most-hated team, the Sens, this is good news.
Waved his no trade clause and came over for some retarded conditional pick, 7th or 6th depending on some playoff situations, none of which are important because we would have personally traded several of our own personal organs to see this happen.
Some of you who became fans during the resurgence of the Penguins during our first Cup run with the Red Wings (if you're still here it isn't fairweather, we respect it) have never seen a Penguins team with Kovie on it, so maybe you don't see what is happening here as too big a deal. But YOU, fine people of the internet, are about to see an historical wrong being righted. Take joy in it. For us? This is nostalgia at its very, very best. It's also a really cool addition to the team when we really need some classic Pens blood to rile up the mangled troups. He's not just a spirited rookie, a grinder, or out to punch faces - he's a vet, and one with a wicked shot.
If you get bored, watch some old Kovie videos on youtube and get excited about this.
Seeing Kovie and Sid play together when Sid gets well is going to be a dream come true.
We're excited, you should be excited, everyone should be excited.