I have made it back alive from my ventures.
Let me tell you something - there is not a lot of hockey in India. I got a lot of sad head shakes and looks of confusion when I tried to even explain what it was, as though the mere concept of it was so foreign that it was depressing to people.
Needless to say, I am glad to be back in a country where most people know hockey exists, they simply don't care.
But you guys do!
And that is why we are here.
So, maybe the Islanders haven't hit 40 points yet this season, and maybe they are only sneezing distance from the Debs. We have to make sure to win the games that we are supposed to win, and this definitely qualifies as one of those games. We can't really pretend like we always win such games.
We present a few awards this evening to make sure that our appreciation for such a weirdly hard fought game shows.
MOMENT YOU ALREADY WEREN'T QUITE SURE WHAT WAS GOING ON
In the first minute of the game you are still yelling at your friends to please grab you a beer from the kitchen because it has been a long day, etc. Before anyone knows what the fuck is happening, Tyler Kennedy loses his shit and Hamonic seems to crumple into wet tissue paper upon being touched.
TK wins without any question, despite the confusing mess that this cameraman captured in the throws of his obvious cocaine high.
It's already shaping up to be one of those games and the couch hasn't even warmed under your ass yet.
FIGHT THAT MOST RESEMBLED A GOOD OLD FASHIONED SCHOOLYARD BEATING
By minute two of the game the memory of TK's bout has faded and everyone is getting a little bored.
Curry, it has been an entire 87 seconds, can someone please do something?!
Mister Asham stands up in our moment of need and takes Konopka to town.
He finishes with the always hilarious jersey-over-head move.
We feel entertained. Thank you, sir.
THE SUPAHSTAH AWARD
Max Talbot steps out against the Isles in the first period after shaking off his weekend hangover - a job that normally takes until mid-Thursday.
We're not exactly sure what sparks his seemingly random bursts of energy and skillz, but we wish we could pinpoint it exactly and make it happen every night for the rest of eternity.
He doesn't put anything in the twine, but we know that he's giving it a damn good try.
Max Talbot: Hero to us All.
THE KIND OF BORING PERIOD
The second period is just a shooting contest between the Isles and the Pens. MAF does a gorgeous job defending his territory.
Unfortunately, Poulin is keeping up, and games like this are mighty nerve wracking.
MOMENT YOU KNEW WE HAD THE DEAL SEALED
Michalek shoots one from the point like he saw it in a dream - you know for a fact that it is going into the net.
That is, until it meets Mister Okposo's skate and ends up on top of the goal, in a freak twist of events that were really obviously supposed to end in our pulling a point ahead.
No photographic evidence exists, but they were kind enough to provide us with this glamour shot of Capuano. Feel free to let it haunt your dreams.
MOMENT YOU KNEW WE HAD THE DEAL SEALED II
Craigsy manages to throw in a puck that was wild around the net.
All of a sudden this game is all about keeping it away away away away from out net.
A few penalties in the final minutes of the game try to make it interesting, but as the clock winds down you get the very distinct feeling that this is a Penguins win.
And it is.
KEEPIN' IT COOL
Jack Capuano does not have excellent control of his facial expressions.
So, maybe not the most exciting of games, but a hockey game none the less, and we're always stoked for a good ol' shutout.
Now we take a little bit of time off from the regular season in order to spend time wondering what asinine things Ovie will do in public this year, and wondering exactly how much we will decide to care about the ASG this time around.
We're sure no one will disappoint.
When we get back, we're never losing again.
As if that wasn't obvious.