2011 free agency: let the games begin
Welcome to free agency, friends. We here at PH will endeavor to bring you updates throughout the day on all the shenanigans that may or may not occur.
Will #JagrWatch turn out awesome or terrible? (EDITED TO ADD: TERRIBLE)
Will we get another year of making jokes about TK and his tendency to shoot the puck at the net, no matter what? (EDITED TO ADD: YES WE WILL)
Will we be clutching Mike Rupp to our collective bosoms in joy? (EDITED TO ADD: OH MY NO)
Will we be forced to enjoy the glory of Max Talbot from afar? (EDITED TO ADD: UNFORTUNATELY SO)
Stay tuned and we'll see.
6:41PM: It's a whole goddamn heartbreaker. It's over. And yet we have still made fire. GO PENS
4:24PM: as the hunger pangs set in, here's a good tweet from Your Friend, Bobby Ryan. And LOL Ponikarovsky is now a Hurricane. Godzilla, bitch.
4:08PM: also whoever updates capgeek needs to be canonized on the pronto
4:00PM: In case you didn't already know this, by the way, God is in fact dead. It dropped awhile back that John Curry had signed with some team in Deutschland called the Hamburg Freezers. Not even fucking kidding. With God in Germany, we've had to improvise God, and this has just not been easy. We blame Germany for the loss of Jagr and Maxime Talbot to the wretched piss-hole that is the Philadelphia Flyers (plus apparently Jakub Voracek). God has left America. Repeat. God has left America. Taking applications for God on a rolling basis.
ALSO VERSTEEG IS NOW A FLORIDA PANTHER
3:30 PM: Roman Hamrlik joins the Caps for 2 years at $7 million. I...am seriously out of witty things to say. I need either more caffeine or more booze.
3:15 PM: Steve Sullivan joins us in the Burgh for one year, $1.5 million. Welcome to the team. Steve. His Twitter is apparently Sullivan26, if you want to stalk him for any reason.
Steve Sullivan is adorable and we didn't give him Talbot money
3:01 PM: And just when you think your heart can break no more, Mike Rupp signs with the Rangers for 3 years, $4.5 million. He will have to go be King of the Elves elsewhere.
2:53 PM: Things seem to have slowed down, at least a little. We're buying CFA jerseys and putting bottles of wine in the fridge for tonight.
2:32 PM: Max Talbot to the Flyers. Is this the day where the Flyers crush all of our dreams? 5 years for $9 million. Fuck, man. "Pittsburgh fans are going to be mad at the Flyers today." Well, no shit, Captain Obvious. Would you like a fucking cookie?
2:27 PM: Vrbata signs a contract for 3 years, $9 million to stay in Phoenix. Good for him.
2:04 PM: Varlamov to the Avs for a couple of picks. I'll have to get my mom to report back on how he does out there. Well, it's more like I won't be able to get her to shut up about how the Avs are doing.
1:59 PM: Puck Daddy on Jagr signing
"One imagines he'll be booed from the moment he steps off the Flyers' team bus now in the Steel City."
One imagines that boos will be the least of his worries in this town. I would lay even odds on him being actively pelted with garbage.
1:47 PM: Also, Jan Hejda is going to the Avs for 4 years, $3.25 million per. I guess the Avs need someone to replace Liles on D?
I'm sorry, it's tough to be witty at the moment. JagrGate is still weighing heavily on my mind.
1:35 PM: Oh, also, apparently Raffi Torres goes to Phoenix for 2 years and $3.5 million. Sorry, I was too busy on the Jagr Train to get this out right when it happened.
Fuck, now I'm going to need to get a new husband picture for this blog.
1:30 PM: Jagr's contract is apparently for 1 year at $3.3 million. I guess we now know how much it takes to maintain an epic level of douchebaggery. And it's $3.3 million.
1:22 PM: JAGR SIGNS WITH THE FLYERS WTF PEOPLE
"That is the most tits outcome of all time. That is bullshit. He can suck my dick. Everyone can quote me on that." - Zoë
1:20 PM: Apparently Florida is the place to be, as the Panthers sign Scottie Upshall for 4 years, $14 million. (TSN)
1:07 PM: Dallas signs defenseman Adam Pardy for two years, $2 million per year. I feel like I keep typing the same contract over and over again.
12:57 PM: Jose Theodore to the Panthers for 2 years, $1.5 million per year (TSN). I (Mary) kind of hate that guy and think he sucks as a goalie, but that's probably a hangover from when he was playing in CO and sucked more than a cheap Thai hooker.
12:52 PM: Ben Eager signs in Edmonton for three years, $1.1 million per year (TSN). Jay Mohr weeps because he can't keep making Oilers jokes.
12:41 PM: STOP THE PRESSES STOP THE PRESSES THE DEVILS HAVE SIGNED ANDY GREENE TO A FOUR YEAR EXTENSION STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES PEOPLE
12:27 PM: Oh yeah, James Wisnewski signed with Columbus for six years and $33 million. That has also happened amid the Jagr-related madness.
12:25 PM: Rob Rossi on TribLive radio said "it sounds like Jagr was driving the boat." Yeah, right into an iceberg. Sounds suspicious to me.
12:13PM: We want to wave the banner on a hilltop with KEN HOLLAND. KEN HOLLAND. A banner that says "CLASSY PLAYER SOCIETY OVER HERE: NO JAROMIRS ALLOWED" "It's Svoboda that comes off looking like a tool" - Puck Daddy Radio is on the Classy Player hill, too. Namedropping Pensblog too. shit son
12:08 PM: Red Wings are reportedly out on Jagr, too. You play with fire, you're gonna get burned.
12:02 PM: Pens sign TK for 2 years, $2 million per year
12:00 PM: And we're off to the races! Feels almost like we shot our wad early with the Jagr news, but there's still plenty of time for shenanigans.
11:55 AM: Vrbata's hitting the market at noon. I (Mary) watched him play for the Avs, and I like him. He's solid.
11:44 AM: "Jaromir is one of the greatest players in Penguins history, and we wish him all the best."
Raise your glass to the classiest dude ever
11:33 AM: reports say pens have withdrawn their offer to jagr?????? source: canadian press, john buccigross
"We have decided to move in a different direction...it was never our intention to get in a free agent bidding war." - Shero
I blame the JFK turtles.
Welcome to free agency, friends. We here at PH will endeavor to bring you updates throughout the day on all the shenanigans that may or may not occur.
Will #JagrWatch turn out awesome or terrible?
Will we get another year of making jokes about TK and his tendency to shoot the puck at the net, no matter what?
Will we be clutching Mike Rupp to our collective bosoms in joy?
Will we be forced to enjoy the glory of Max Talbot from afar?
Stay tuned and we'll see.
