Because the Pens use an effigy of Brooks Orpik in some bizarre religious ritual that takes place at practice.
By circling around the Effigy Orpik, the final fall harvest of vegetables purportedly increases in its bounty and makes the women of the village more fertile.
Not that we needed more fertility, what with all these pregnancies, but whatever.
We have to play Chicago tomorrow, which is always less okay than it was the last time. It's like some big, annoying study on violence and The Male Gaze and a day-old plate of nachos all rolled into one.
The Pens site has suddenly switched to the European/rest-of-the-world format for dates, causing massive confusion across the lands.
BUT THERE AREN'T 30 MONTHS
WHAT IS THIS NEW DEVILRY
No really who cares.
When the fuck is Vancouver?