So sometimes genius things happen when you don't mean them to.
Like when you invite your flailing brother over in hopes that he can enjoy a square meal and then kick him out because you are ready to vomit.
I said flailing, not failing.
A certain level of failing starts you at involuntary flailing.
You know that. You are hockey fans.
You have had days flailing over horrible losses or uncomfortable press releases on your captain's well being.
You know when the "other" Marc-Andre is gone, things are hilarious.
Press vomits on itself.
"Motorcyclists take part in the "International Winter Motorcycle Rally 'Pinguinos' (Penguins)" in Puente Duero, near Valladolid, central Spain, January 14, 2012. Some 25,000 motorcyclists took part in the rally this year."
That is closer to an NBA game.
In hockey we don't wish for such egregious offerings.
But we will take them.
This Vespa represents the Lightning's showing in today's going.
You come to a MOTERCYCLE convention on a VESPA?
Tampa, you don't know who you are dealing with.
And you know how we deal with that?
We haul you to the fire and we burn you. For warmth.
Pinguinos are the only thing worth it.
How about Malkin?
If the press had cared, things would be different.
But we all know the press.
Thus, we must imagine Malks as the lead of this motorcycle proceeding.
We at PH approve of manliness, but possibly not motorcycle ownership.
That's pretty gay.
No offense, if you own a motorcycle an want to take us on a ride on the back of it and all.
But otherwise, fuck leather gear.
You think you can kick ass when your clothes are stiff in the knees and elbows?
Let's not take beating the Lightning too seriously.
Let's take it like we do in a good season.
Ohhhhhhhhh so we beat a Florida team.
Let's go beat the Caps, the Flyers, the Sens, the Sharks (regular season, not playoffs when they get something shoved down their scardy-pimp throats), anyone who MATTERS.
Hockey in Florida.
Let's get UPPITY, Penguins fans.
Let's not act too pleased with ourselves for beating teams that historically suck. This is a jumping off point. Let's get in there, dominate, and become the best again.
Blahblahblah our cap'n has a concussion.
Let's take pride in our depth and prove that we deserve more, no matter the injuries and woes.
Maybe I am just drunk, but I expect the Penguins to overcome everything, and if tonight is any indicator, WE CAN.
To hell with our problems.
I am so over it.
We have a team of captains. We have players taking massive salary cuts to be here. Let's start acting like a team that should be happy with what we have apart from Sid.
Maybe when we stop feeling sorry for ourselves as fans, the goodness we project into the universe will heal the fragile cranium of Sid.
Let's do this.
Get excited about hockey again.
Stop entering games with apprehension.
We're NEVER LOSING AGAIN.
Because in all honesty, look at our team.