Let's be honest.
With the team functioning like this, there's really no one who we don't want to crash our net at any given moment. 
But sadly, we have the painstaking decision to make of which one we would choose above all others. Our lives are so very, very hard.
Please direct some pity our way. 

ERIC GODARD CAN CRASH MY NET
 
On Saturday he netted a 10:21 TOI, an amount of time almost unheard of for Our Favorite Eric. 17 PIM during the Toronto game, every moment of it spent not think about what he had done, rather what he was going to do the moment he got back on the ice with those motherfuckers. 
Also, he winked at every single lady he saw in the audience on his way off of the ice.
Just because he's a pimp.

BEST FEATURE

Who doesn't love the perpetually-high looking face that Eric Godard has? 
Between that and his shit-eating-grin, we always feel as though he's mildly confused, but with a horrible plan up his sleeve. 
Oh, also,

Man can rock facial hair like a rockstar. And chest hair. 
mmmfffff

LAST SURGE OF DESIRE
 
Fighting for your captain is much life fighting for your country, only slightly more important, and mildly more sexy.

THE WHOLESOMENESS PART OF IT

We all know how Eric is with charity and children. Seriously. It's pretty obscenely adorable.
He's also been known to win the team's "Edward J. DeBartolo Community Service award", for his "exceptional effort and time committed to community and charity projects.
We're pretty sure that means he's the Greatest Human.
And just in case you forgot: 
 

WHAT HAPPENS THE MORNING AFTER
 
"Hey baby, how you doin' girl? I'm going to make a t-shirt with your name on it and wear it around the mall so everyone will know you're my lady."

Eric is a simple man, and he feels as though his greatest contribution to your love are things he works on with his own creativity, displaying his own special level of love and devotion. He will always let you ride on his handlebars.

CONVERSELY, WHO IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED NEAR OUR NETS

No, Cody McCormick, we will not love you so long as you have that face and a name that sounds like it came from a Disney Channel Original film.
Please go away now.

Tomorrow.
Let's do it.
Keepin' the streak alive.
Go Pens. 

We promise we'll provide you Hair League metrics after the Sabres game--things are really heating up in the Hair League. I know we don't update daily, but the standings change daily, in ways you wouldn't believe. In the meantime, here are a few Leafs Blingees:

Kris Versteeg, by Mouth Guard.



Luke Schenn and Jonas Gustavsson by TP


Clarke MacArthur, by Grace.


Letestu, again by TP, this time just scoring on Gustavsson.

Now, to the real meat of this post.
The quality of Sidney Crosby Blingees we have been getting is mind-boggling and frightening, just like the Pens have been lately.
TP had this offering. The wolf is really key.


However, we received this image of the "Crosdra" from 4evainheaven, which may be the closest we've come to spontaneously joining a religion.

the frame rate isn't the best on this one, so she also provided the following, without fireworks:
 
unfuckingreal.

That brings us to you, rest of the public.
This is Puck Huffers, where winners are Blingeed.
It is our thinking that if we continue to Blingee Crosby, good things will happen.
Go to Blingee.com and create your own, and e-mail them to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .
We have a documented history of making things happen with Blingees.  So get to it.

Sabres tomorrow.
Go Pens. 

11 wins in a row, and we can't take it lightly. You know why. Because the target on the Pens' backs hasn't been bigger in the regular season for a long, long time. Last season, with the words "Stanley Cup hangover" being thrown around, people knew they had to beat the Stanley Cup Champions--but it wasn't anything like this. You didn't see stretches of domination like this. The Pens' let up in the third period, but they were facing a hungrier Leafs team that had just decimated the Caps' defense in the third period only a couple nights ago. Not that the Caps defense is good or anything, but still.
For some reason, Ron Wilson's team lately has found their confidence around 20:00 of the third period, and they're pretty comfy with that, or at least they were.
Another reason you can't take this lightly is because the Pens have totally been this team, not being able to turn it on until they were down. The Pens have totally been this team, chilling in 13th place in the East in December flipping out half the time and twiddling thumbs the other half. The goal of every franchise is to never skate that team. But every franchise does.
Regardless of where you are in the standings, it's impossible to look at any regular season win and say, "yes, this is it." Until the team you skate is raising the Cup, it's never "it." And even then, it's only that way for a little while. Such is the joy of the NHL.
Do not take this win lightly. But please, please enjoy it.
Seth Rorabaugh (@emptynetters) just tweeted this bit from Bylsma: "We still think we can get a lot better than how we’re playing right now."

Damn straight.
11 straight wins, let's do this.

WORST REASON FOR THE PRESS TO SHOW UP

The Press sent all their best guys to Pittsburgh because Canada was in town. Snore.
Shortly after the opening faceoff, the Leafs defense falls completely asleep in their own zone and hands the puck to Kunitz, who feeds Crosby. Crosby comes inches from scoring right there, and it's basically on. Godard then takes the ice and starts making swift feeds to the point like a regular Evgeni Malkin working the half wall on the PP. Could have sworn he played more than 2:42. BUT OH WELL I MEAN IT'S CANADA

LARGEST SWEDE
Errey loves to talk about Gustavsson. Just HOW big is he, you might ask? Well, I mean, we didn't get any stats, but pretty big. He's making all the huge saves early. We would provide a visual, but apparently nobody in Canada thought of taking a picture of Gustavsson making a save in the first period.
Kunitz and Sid come in on a rush, and Koon hits the post. Sid attacks the puck like it needs to be put out of its misery. Gustavsson is helpless. Goal.

No idea what Canada was thinking with this shot. Terrible shot framing.
Errey asks the eternal question: "WHAT WAS KOMISAREK DOING." Regarding his defense on the play, that is.

MOMENT YOU MOST/LEAST WANTED COLBY TO COME HOME
Pens follow the goal up with some outstanding defensive play.
Sid and Colbs have a moment.

Colby loses his helmet, yells about it.

Meanwhile, Orr wants Engelland. Canada jumped all over this:



That last one is just stunning work.
Tang ends the period in perfect finesse, jumping all over every puck in the existence of the world.
The shots by the end of the 1st are 13-4. eep.

INTERLUDE
My feed was ESPN America, and it was playing this amazing Jack Daniel's commercial that I can't find on YouTube about giving all your man friends whiskey for Christmas.
Well, we're not your man friends, but we want whiskey for Christmas. The ad is not on YouTube. But it damn well should be.

Thank you.
END INTERLUDE

PERIOD THAT COULD HAVE GONE EITHER WAY UNTIL THE PENS CHANGED THAT
The period starts with Pens making a lot of great chances happen that they can't really finish. The Leafs come back and almost capitalize on a giveaway by Fleury while Steiggy and Errey are probably eating sandwiches or talking about thighs or something.
The Leafs get their second penalty of the night for Too Many Men and Ron Wilson doesn't even look pissed about it. Yet. Apparently CEC has some intense strobe light in the penalty box. Bizarre.
The best thing about the penalty was that after it FSN showed baby pictures of Colby Armstrong's son that we didn't screenshot because we were too busy being girls and looking at the pictures earnestly.
Pens get into some more penalty trouble. Adams rapes Sjostrom. That's boarding I guess.
Leafs fall tragically asleep at the point. Dupes and Kunitz rush up-ice completely undefended. Gustavsson should have just skated out of the net as soon as they crossed the blueline and gone to beat the everloving shit out of Kaberle and whoeverthefuck else they had working their points.

LOLeafs. 2-0.

SEQUENCES THAT BROKE YOUR UTERUS, REALLY
Craig busts out of the box, almost snipejobs Gustavsson.
Next sequence, all the Pens collapse around the Leafs' net. Letestu would not be denied. Booooom.

It was that TK-Letestu-Conner line on the ice. Everyone is already saying that you don't break up this line. We're inclined to agree, we just gotta see who (other than Comrie) is willing to either get scratched every night or get waived. Don't know about the cap situation once Staal is activated. We don't want to jump the gun on these things.
Still, 3-0.

. . .couple breaths later, Crosby and Kunitz are flying down ice on a 2-on-1. Koon places the pass. Last season, maybe, Crosby guns that wide, but still finishes the season with over 50 goals. This season he already has 26 so fuck everything. That's #26, by the way. Again, Komisarek had no clue what was going on.

So much love in the room.

oh yeah 4-0.  everyone pregnant up in here.

MOST PREDICTED BREAKDOWN

You knew Mike Komisarek was going to flip shit eventually. He's always on the precipice of some homicidal rage that ends in him eviscerating himself on live television.

Fleury and Michalek stand tall for the rest of the period. 4 on 4 happens at some point. Steiggy and Errey were probably so caught up remembering the 85-86 Penguins top PP unit that they forgot to explain the penalties.

WHAT-EST
Early in the third, we learn that last game the Leafs played against the Caps was the first time in FRANCHISE HISTORY that they had scored two goals in the last three minutes to tie the game.
WHAT
Yes that had to be its own award.

CODE RED
Komisarek Breakdown Watch reaches Code Red when Rupp hits someone and Komisarek reacts like his entire family and all the world's innocent orphans were just killed in an earthquake of fire.

Kid in the yellow hat is going to be a career fourth-liner, and loves it.

Back at the ranch, people are running Sid, specifically Rosehill. Rosehill hit Paul Martin for no reason. Then three people attack Rosehill.

So Godard destroy's Rosehill's face.

We're down with the sickness.

Unfortunately, the Pens weren't. Crosby got 4 minutes for something.
Leafs get a PP goal.

someone, somewhere, thinks this is okay:

Repeat: CODE RED.

MOST HEROIC PK UNTIL THE PINEAPPLE GOT INVOLVED
Pens kill a bunch of shit after. Then Grabovski gets a loooong shot in on Fleury. 4-2 at this point. Everyone is scared. Chernobyl watch.
This guy's pants so full of jizz:

sorry just. what a picture. Not to mention the lack of Leafs goal celebrations photographed by Canada. WHAT THE FUCK CANADA

THE ROLLER COASTER BEGINS
Martin dumps Kadri, which seems like a good play, but then the Pens can't get puck possession and ice it at least a million times.
They have one shot in the period.
To get the second shot, the TK-Conner-Letestu line goes to work. Kennedy rushes down ice, passes to Letestu, who gives it a go.

oh hey, did you see that?
5-2

PENS WIN
eleven. uh.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

HOTTEST HAIR
I tried to cap Letestu's hair during 2nd intermission but apparently it was too awesome and it broke my computer.


MOST IN NEED OF A LIFE COACH OR PRESCHOOL TEACHER'S AIDE

Luke Schenn

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Tang - made love to every puck like it was about to be pregnant with his only child
2. Chris Conner - laying out dudes twice his size and making all the right plays and basically being the best person.
3. Komisarek's family hypnotist - going to be making some really expensive phone calls tonight.

fjklsfjdsklfjdslkaghdsklgfjldas!
Go Pens, fuck yeah.

P.S. Flyers:

lost in shootout. Image from Puck Daddy who covered this issue.

P.P.S. Some WC promo:

we have mixed feelings about this, but we think maybe HBO was thinking of us and our addiction to them when True Blood is on.  Possibly.
I mean, there's no way that you can be a Caps fan or Pens fan and lack interest in this program.  It's going to be so interesting and bizarre to watch.

TOMORROW: Blingees and hair.
and once more with feeling

GO PENS 

Incredible coloring by Raquel.  Apparently the Wells-Fargo center is made of orange spraypaint.
Beej's actual hair making an appearance is very exciting.

For the record, as per the last Marry/Fuck/Kill:
We would fuck Ondrej Pavelec.  Long and hard.
We'd marry Freddy Meyer.  Because he's the wholesome sort.
Tobias Enstrom is Swedish.  Sorry, boo.

mmmmmf.

BLINGEE CALL TO ARMS:
Toronto Maple Leafs. Go.
some suggestions:

totally Edward Cullen vibes from this.


MIKHAIL GRABOVSKI AND A FUCKING PINEAPPLE

Pens Blingees are good, too.  Anything for Sid, anything for Fleury, anything for the streak.  Craig Fucking Adams, too.  ANYTHING.  They need all the help they can get.

Just because you're flying high doesn't mean the journey ain't long.

AND WHAT IS MIKHAIL DOING WITH THAT PINEAPPLE SERIOUSLY

Go Pens.

So this is definitely the part where we forget what losing feel like.
With a 10-0-0 L10, no one wants to see the Penguins in their arena. They get enough of that shit in their nightmares.
7 games outside of the team and league record, if you look at it correctly, the 7th game ends up being the Caps. We're also just a touch shy of the 35-game undefeated streak the Flyers once threw down.
Bring it.

MOST IMPRESSIVE LAUNDERING

We are incredibly proud to have Mister Bill "watches you while you pee at Nassau Coliseum" Guerin retire as a Pittsburgh Penguins. He said a lot of wonderful things about how our team and city enchanted him, and we appreciate that because, well, frankly we think anyone who wouldn't be enchanted by the Penguins and this city is retarded. 
On another note, we also appreciate that crease in Mr. Guerin's pants, Mrs. Guerin. Good showing.
(If this somehow offends you, ladies, please return to the kitchen where you can find the proper fixings to make your man a sandwich, before he catches you on the internet and has to show you what's what.)

MOST UNEXPECTED FAIL
And no, we are not referencing the hilarious Caps loss against the Leafs tonight.

Though, as said, hilarious.
It's totally not like we're obsessed with Ovechkin's failures.
We just appreciate good photo journalism.
Observe:

That lighting, those angles...

Anyway, where were we? Let's try this again.

MOST UNEXPECTED FAIL, TAKE TWO
Pascal gets called into the box for some alone time with the offcials' wives.
Arnott does something. Rolston does something else.
Somehow, this adds up to the Pens PK failing.

 That doesn't even make sense.

THE FASTEST AND AWESOMEST REDEMPTION
The word "awesomest" is only really allowed to exist for moments like the one shortly after the failed PK, where Crosby takes a pass with his skate, kicks it up to his puck, and then beams it over to Kunitz who puts it in the net like he saw it in a dream.

MOMENT YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOUR LEFT ARM TO BED MISTER ADAMS
We realize that if this were in fact an option, many of us would have lost our left arms long before this point, and sawed off our right arms in order to try and convince someone that it was another left arm, hoping the wouldn't check the elbow bending action before accepting the deal.
However, if arms could regenerate, we'd have done it all over again after Adams went to arms to defend Martin, making us all feel a little special in our bating suit areas.

Oh if I could get you into the captain's quarters of the boat, what I'd do to you...

MOMENT YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY AFRAID YOU'D HAVE TO EVENTUALLY WAKE UP FROM THIS FEVER DREAM
Sidney Crosby, much like Sidney Crosby's ass, defies physics just by existing.
Every single day we are getting more afraid that he is just our Tyler Durden and we are two wrong steps away from seeing him shave his head and tell us he's turned our mothers into soap. Seriously. His existence is fucking illogical. 
GoGo Gets it close, Cappy picks it up, and we aren't if sure if we believe this shit anymore.

MOST T.O.I. OF ANYONE, EVER

Well, maybe not, but with over 10 minutes logged, we felt like we were getting a lot of quality time with Godsy.
Zoe claims that there was a moment where I blinked and Godard even stopped frankenskating and skated like a real hockey player.
I'm not saying I believe it, but man-oh-man is it nice to see this man on the ice.

MOMENT YOU REALIZED THAT THIS WINNING STREAK IS STRETCHING YOUR NERVES A LITTLE THIN
The dwindling moments of the game had you screaming at everyone in the room as LeHair was amazing and Adams was acting heroic and everyone on the ice was basically playing like it was their last day on earth and oh god oh god is it really going to be ten in a row?!?!

Just ask this man.

PENS WIN 2-1

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

CUTEST REACTION TO A GOAL THAT WASN'T EVEN HIS

Gawwwwww.

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS

1) Craig Adams
For making our baby makers hurt

(Not from this game, but dayum)

2) Tangers

For stickin' it to 'em, or at least for trying to.

3) Billy G

One last time.

So...basically we've got both everything to lose and everything to gain.
Try not to worry your little heads too much over it. 
Just remember. Stay calm. Breathe. Remember that Sidney Crosby is somehow, by the good grace of Curry, on your team.

Go Pens.

ETA: don't see one person wearing anything CBJ in this pic. insane.
Even the haters have to agree that the Penguins are paying some unreal hockey and that Crosby is looking like the kind of player you thought you'd never see in the NHL again.
Nine games is a long time not to lose a game of hockey. And a month is a long time to go without missing out on a goal or assist. Just ask the stache.

Overall, Sid has 46 points in 28 games.  Brother Steven is back at the compound, pressing a crease into the front of his dress pants and rereading the cult manifesto.

People are saying that the 9-game winning streak could extend, what with the next two teams the Pens play being the Devils and the Leafs.
Granted, the Devils are terrible this year.  And the Maple Leafs organization is just the embodiment of Russian roulette for the Penguins.  Thank Curry it's not a Friday or Saturday night game in Canada or the haters would be out and about.

Still, these teams probably aren't going to lie down the way Columbus did.  "Beat the teams you're supposed to beat" is a good adage when it doesn't make you cocky.  Luckily, we don't perceive the Pens being cocky.  This is the attitude that got them so far in the playoffs in 2008 and 2009.  We can be optimistic that we're going to see a team with its shit together that didn't spend the entire evening previous to the game watching Teen Mom and hitting the bong.

Still, streaks don't last forever.  82-game season and we're not even 30 in.

And the whole business with the Washington Capitals hasn't even busted a load in our faces yet.

Philly's playing the Isles right now.  1pm Sunday start, eesh.  Today, we are the biggest Isles fans.  Because if the Islanders win, the Penguins keep their standing atop the division, conference, and League.  It's not like we can hope for a lot.  Islanders are 5-14-5.  But you have to win some of them.  We just looked at their stats, their leading point-getter among forwards, and leading goal-scorer, is. . .

Matt Moulson.  (followed closely by Greasy Boy Canada)

Go Matt Go.

Go Pens.

Okay, we feel kinda bad. We just dick whipped Columbus like really hard and it was kinda rude.

This is Filatov before a game in Anaheim. He saw Godzilla coming from there.

BEST SIGNS


Brooks is looking pretty serene pre-game in the locker room. It's almost like he knew that he was going to get drilled by Rick Nash 27 seconds get the uncontrollable urge to start eating souls.
As captioned by our friend Kristen on Twitter: "Let's go wine tasting; I'll leave my machete in the car this time."
But we all know the truth. Brooks would never leave his machete in the car. It's go time.

We then hear all about how Steve Mason is 6'4" and 210 pounds. "That's a big man," they say.
The prostitutes of Columbus that probably escaped with their lives last night would concur.

BITTEREST REUNION
The ebb and flow of noise in the arena sounds like the direct aftermath of Antietam when not everyone had finished dying yet.
The Pens get a power play, the shots are already 0 to 5 in favor of them.
Paul Martin leads the rush, shoots a puck towards the net. Fuzzy Mike Commodore is there for the tip-in.

that's 1-0 Pens.
Steiggy and Bob start talking about the streak. SERIOUSLY GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT THE STREAK YOU MIGHT JINX IT.

BEST JOB BY ERIC
No one's sure if the Jackets have a shot yet.
Bylsma puts the fourth line on the ice. Adams and Rupp battle for a puck along the boards, while Eric Godard lurks at the top of the right circle, ready to snipe a one-timer at the speed of light, or something.
Actually it trickles through Stevey's five-hole and Rupp has to help it for the rest of its journey.
But I mean, come on. Eric Godard at the top of the right circle.

That's 2-0 Pens, less than 10 minutes in.
Jackets subsequently go on a PP and I muse in my notes if we can get Eric a hattie.
Sorry, self.
Steiggy and Errey pass the time by discussing Sid's mustache.

BEST DJ AT THE DISCO
Sid gets high-sticked, Pens go on another PP. Pauly gets alone in the slot for funsies. Stevey opens his legs.

3-0. Oh dear.
Columbus players congregate at the bench for an unofficial timeout or official What the Fuck Moment.

BIGGEST MOMENT OF UNREALITY
Steiggy is talking about tractor tires.
Letestu unleashes a blast from the point, on the power play again somehow, and Crosby deflects it in.
There are no photos of this bit of magic, and there were so many goals that we hardly remember it, so we would like to remind you to drink your milk:

It's 4-0. Oh man how we fear for what could come next. Especially because Stevey got pulled for Garon. Michalek almost snipes one, but you didn't want to get too excited.

I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN SIT BACK OR ANYTHING
Errey discusses at intermission how "there's so many ways to skin the cat." We wish we understood.
Fleury comes out guns blazing to start. Jackets think they have some love that they can use to suss this out, but they are dead wrong.
Tyler Kennedy shows up, meanwhile we are just remembering that Ethan Moreau is a Jacket:

Dramatic camera angle alert:


Errey predicts a Fleury goal. No idea why. Two-goal lead with an empty net is the ideal situation with that.

MOST DEREKS

Technically one Derick and two Dereks but we'll let this slide, Columbus.

Jackets get one. 5-1. No one notices?
the game is an exciting game of catch. everyone is falling over everyone else.

GUYS WHO STILL THOUGHT THIS WAS A PRACTICE DRILL
Pens get a 3 on 1 but Goligoski can't catch up.
Then, Kunitz and Sid get some kind of 2 on 1. Kunitz makes an effortless pass over the defenseman.
Crosby is doing layups.
There isn't even a goaltender.
6-1.


Rupp and Boll fight over a minor weed deal.


O RLY
Engelland
7-1.
not even sure what reality is anymore.

Jackets scored in the third period, yeah, or something.
Steiggy and Errey then explain to the entire world that Pensblog Charlie is actually Bob Errey.


oh what a night
PENS WIN
7-2

like a drunken hookup with an old best friend, something about this just defies possibility.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

BEST SHOWING BY MARC METHOT

In this photograph, possibly re-enacting something from Paradise Lost.

BEST MUSTACHE POSSIBLY IN YEARS JUST FOR SHEER PERFORMANCE ABILITY

so wrong but so right.

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Eric Godard - you know for the goal.
2. Mark Letestu - 2 ass, as we all know, equals 1 goal.
3. Bob Errey - obviously.  it is to him that we owe the title of this post.

No idea what happened, sorry this recap is a mess. But watching this game was like taking shrooms.
also, lots of hair points in the mix!

Pens have won 9 straight. Devils next. hm.

We believe.
Go Pens.

It is entirely possible that this week broke the Crash My Net Friday machine, so to speak.
You know, we take pride on being the kind of people who appreciate subtleties. The little defensive miracles, the simple but smart hockey plays, the struggles of the underdog, the things that guys can accomplish on the ice with pure hard work.
But this week, we kind of don't give a fuck.

SIDNEY CROSBY AND MARC-ANDRE FLEURY CAN CRASH MY NET

Sid has two hat tricks this past week, one on Saturday and one on Thursday. He made it look easy.
Fleury is in full "fuck you" mode, making the saves he needs to make on all the right people.
You know we give this award based on performance. There'll be someone else with the heroic shot block later on this season. The really sweet pass out of the neutral zone or whatever. But really. Let's not ignore what we have right in front of us.



Not like we can help the stache, but I mean, we'd still hit it.

A bunch of photos went up at some point from the Rangers game. Whoever was photographing for Getty that night had a Sid boner. What a profile.

Also, Fleury's hair. Done:


MaxTal has a bruised foot from practice. Sad.
But he'll probably come back soon. He'd probably be begging to play if his spine was broken in 3 places. Get well soon, boo.

Hey, check out the Hair League page.

New top 25 graphic:

There is now a huge discrepancy between the top ranking team and the next ranking team. Almost 30 points. If you watch our Twitter, you'll see that we believe that Sid is a sleeper pick considering his likely involvement in the All-Star Game. Hair photos out the ass. You know he won't wear that disgusting hat.
We already mentioned at some point that any media from HBO is null and void.
We didn't invite pay cable to this party. We didn't anticipate it. We don't want it throwing off the purity of our game.

We still would like someone to .gif-ify the Tang hairflip from the Rangers game. Beggars can't be choosers, though. This was brought to our attention by people who apparently have Tumblrs.

We don't believe in Tumblr, but this is a solid offering.

I mean we have a Tumblr. But we believe it speaks to a very under-appreciated issue in the hockey world. You know what we mean. Sporadically updated and irrelevant, that's how we like our Tumblrs.

Happy Friday.
Go Pens.

All right NHL.com. All right. We understand you had to get something up quickly in the wake of Sid being a one-man wrecking crew of doom.
But you couldn't have thrown the guy a bone?


Clearly there are very few awards that would be worthy of Sid's individual effort this evening, but we have to honor it somehow, and Sid, consider this post our gift to you.
We really want to make the Pens aware of the hair league before the end of the regular season. Gotta get Sid out of that filthy hat from time to time.
But for now:

MOMENTS THAT WERE SURPRISINGLY PLEASING
Ben Eager got the first shot of the game, that could have been a horrible omen.
Then Sid gets the first hit of the night, it's on Fatass.
Then Asham fights with Chris "Thick" Thorburn:

No clue what Thorburn is trying to do here, but we're sure it's something really important.

BEST LINE AT THE MOMENT
The one with Conner, Kennedy, and Letestu. Here, have a desktop background.  Click for full size.

width is 1280 because I have a 13inch MacBook screen. Deal with it.

MEANWHILE, AT GENE'S FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE
Malks takes some kind of penalty. On the way to the box, he probably should have skated by Errey and been like, "Dude, don't jinx it." Because everyone jinxed it. JUST LOOK AT THIS PENALTY KILL 32 STRAIGHT PENALTIES THEY ARE JUST SO IN SYNC THEY KNOW EVERYTHING AND NOTHING WILL EVER STOP THEM EVER WOW WOW

That's 1-0 Thrashers, kids.

BIGGEST ASSIST BY BEN EAGER
When Sid was like haaaay and chipped it towards the net and Eager tipped it in.
There are no photos, but this is an extremely troubling face by Sid, so I can't think of a better place to put it:

And just like that, it's 1-1.

MOST MOMENTS OF EPIC FAIL
Andrew Ladd with a hilarious tripping penalty on Ktang. It was like he didn't even care about life.
The power play fails everywhere.
Then Rupp, cannibal that he is, tries to harvest Byfuglien's fat for fuel.
The refs break it up. Period ends. No one is eaten.

NEW FAVORITE TONGUE TWISTER/ALLITERATIVE PHRASE
"Bumped by Byfuglien"
Where was Byfuglien this game though, other than being kind of indignant and hovering in front of the net when his team wasn't actually passing to him?
hmmmmm?

Oh wait.
That's where Byfuglien was.
Whiffing on a one-timer and allowing Asham to send the puck up to Crosby, who was pulling an Ovechkin up by the blueline.
He opened Pavelec. Surgery.


GOAL THAT CAN'T EVEN BE DESCRIBED
Seems like Crosby's line is out every other shift.
We want to see him out with Gene, but Bylsma won't do it.
Brooks Orpik with some shot that probably would have hit Forbes Avenue if Crosby hadn't. . .
Deflected it?!
what a fucking deflection.
Look at the highlight and prepare to come in your pants.

hats and scarves errywhere.


4evainheaven


Kaitlin

One of the best things about having this blog is getting unsolicited Blingees to our inbox.

3-1 Pens.

MOST OBSESSED
Steiggy and Errey with Tobias Enstrom's long stick.
It occupies the rest of the broadcast while the Pens preserve what Crosby has done.
Antropov scores at some point.

3-2 Pens

Letestu almost pees in Pavelec's mouth, but naaaaah.

PERIOD OF MOST INTENSE PRESERVATION
The press really didn't show up for this game, guys. They showed up for Sid. Sort of. Drunk. Scratched their balls all through the third peirod.
Zbynek Michalek and Max Talbot were making the kinds of plays you expect. Total midseason form.
Max blocks Byfuglien's shot in the waning seconds. Gets back up. BUFF BUFF BUFF BUFF who are you?

Time runs out on the Thrashers, and you don't even suspect for a split second that the Pens are going to blow this. You had a feeling.

PENS WIN
3-2
SIDNEY CROSBY.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

MOST INTENSE FACE AWARD

Matt Cooke

PRETTIEST HEADBAND

Arron Asham

WORST PERSON
Benji Mike Green creating the tying PP goal in Dallas.

This is the intermission interview before. Witness the indignant face.
And then like two seconds later Dallas went back and scored again.

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
Brother Steven - for sitting down in Boston's 8-1 dick whipping of Tampa. Stamkos scored no points. Crosby now has 44 points to Brother Steven's 40, and they each have 21 goals.

Max Talbot - for the hero block

MAF - the Thrashers tried to be cute, but Marc-Andre was solid. Suck it.

The Pens will be in Columbus on Saturday.
Be still our hearts.

GO PENS.

Hair League updates will come soon (like tomorrow before the game or some shit) one we wade through all of the media that has been thrust into our faces today.
Ben Lovejoy read to some kids.

. . .I mean, really. God, literacy is sexy.
That's 35 hair points in the photo gallery right there.

Also, Dustin Byfuglien is fat. Sam Kasan from the Pens site made sure that America knows, and the media touched base about this sensitive issue with Pascal Dupuis:

On Byfuglien being a larger defenseman:
I don’t know how much he weighs out there, but he’s a really big dude. He plays the puck well and uses his body to an advantage. And he doesn’t get caught too much out of position, either. So he’s playing well.

Based on performance over the last 10 games, the Pens are the hottest team in the league right now, showing 9-0-1.
Next hottest team? The Detroit Red Wings, who are 8-1-1 and sitting atop the West.
During the Rangers game, Bob Errey managed to predict a Detroit/Pens SCF again, which will either look like a premonition from the gods or the dumbest thing ever said come late May.
Kinda hard to talk about. This is the time of the season, though, when you can no longer say "it's only. . ."

Still, Atlanta.
How is there so much parity in the Southeast Division this season?
You know, you think you've seen everything. Then this happens.


This coloring is from everyone's favorite, [Mouth Guard]. We don't claim to understand it. But it is pretty special.
You should send your own MAF and Beej coloring sheet to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .
The more you color, the better things will be!

QUICK ROUND OF THRASHERS MARRY FUCK OR KILL
2 games for $44 in Atlanta. Awesome.


Ondrej Pavelec


Freddy Meyer


Tobias Enstrom

We almost put Burmistrov. But he was born in 1991. Even though he is 19 we feel like that is illegal.

And listen: we know we run a Pens site. But if we just did marry, fuck, or kill with Penguins it would get old VERY quickly.

woo

Go Pens.