Travels to Atlanta, Georgia are always nebulous, like we said. We wonder why there is a hockey team in Atlanta and if anyone else knows about it.
We love Georgia. But if we ever move to the land of sweet tea and violence, could we ever be Thrashers fans?

. . .the dramatic silhouettes do not have us convinced.

Awards? K.

MOMENT YOU REALIZED HOW COOL OUR FARM TEAM IS
Early on, Conner, Letestu, and Goligoski have some awesome shift together.
Rupp and Thorburn throw down:

Then Brent Sopel scored but I apparently didn't even notice it enough to mention it in my notes. I apparently knew we were winning?
Byfuglien's too fat to score on Fleury and you are also glad that we don't fatten up our young players with bacon like whoever trained Dustin.
We used to like Dustin, until he got cocky with Chicago, and then he became bad.

We also wonder why exactly Brent Sopel looks like a low-grade weed dealer circa 1973:

Thank god these boys didn't grow up in our neighborhood.

MOMENT YOU MOST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GET RAPED
The Pens are on some power play and for some reason the Thrashers are doing the unthinkable and being aggressive on their PK.
Towards the end of the PP, the play is back in the Pens' zone, and then you hear it: TTHHHHHHHRAAAAASSHHHERSSSS FULL STRENGTHHHH
like he's grunting it into your ear in the middle of a one-night stand after an ill-advised night at the bar after the county fair.

No comment.

PERIOD THAT MAY HAVE DRIVEN YOU TO INSANITY
To start the second, Bob Errey comments that Max Talbot (who missed the first several minutes of the game getting his badass face stitched up after taking something above the eye in practice) is probably to blame for the Pens' emotional distress.
OH NOES WE'RE WITHOUT MAX FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES?!?!?
Not sure on that one, Bobby. Line identity is important over the course of the season, but for 5 minutes? Come now.
(He probably just wanted an excuse to go down there and get the real scoop from the boys in the locker room.)

Pens don't get shit going at all and you want to punch them. Chris Conner already looks a million times more competent and driven than Mike Comrie though.
Talbot deflects in a Goligoski shot, but it is taken away by an absolutely bizarre goaltender interference call on Mike Rupp.
He only did what makes the national media ram Tomas Holmstrom's dick down their throats repeatedly for hours on end.
But okay.
Here is a sample of my notes from the game so that you may revisit your own fragile mental state during this dreary time:

Malkin has a wide open net after a beautiful give and go with Kunitz, misses the net for real?
how does a telestrator circle fit around Byfuglien
Tang gets a puck in his bad hand.
God damn.

hate everyone.
So we want the puck, right?
Steiggy "I don't mean to be critical of ben Eager. . ." of course you do

MOST BIZARRE SEQUENCES
The Thrashers look dangerous in the Pens' zone for awhile. Then Bergfors falls backward on his bum for no reason. He was like a five-year-old on skates for the first time. In one glorious moment. Play goes the other way. Asham and Malkin with the give and go. It's hot, it's beautiful, it's a goal:

We think this is from the first goal. We'll take it. Pavelec got a little confused on that play.
Pens kill some other penalty, then Bob Errey is at it again:
"Brooks Orpik absolutely launched Peverley into the wall like he was a piece of paper."
We'd hate to see Brooks Orpik commit violence against paper.

MOST BEAUTIFUL BLOODBATH
Late in the second period there is some weird sequence where Brooks sticks his hip out, destroys someone, and then takes a stick to the mouth. They're killing a penalty to start the third:

God, Brooksie, do you ever stop? I mean we know the answer to this question.

MOMENT THAT WASN'T A JINX
Steiggy and Errey discuss that Sid is "due" for a goal. Apparently he has scored in 5 straight games or something? Are we hearing this correctly?

Awesome redirect on a shot from Engelland. Engelland is a beast.

MOMENT THE POWER PLAY ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING
Pens are running the usual power play when Crosby somehow pulls off an absurd bank pass from the backboards. Pavelec looks around like someone told him girls were making out in the front row. Malkin buries it.

Pens suddenly have a 3-1 lead. All rests on this.

WHEN YOU BATTENED DOWN THE HATCHES
We hear an extended conversation about Craig Adams and foxholes.
Eager gives some hilarious giveaway to Dupuis. Eager is a fucking asshole. But you knew this. Nothing comes of the giveaway other than we get to talk more about how Ben Eager is terrible.
Then, Bergfors puts one home. Feels like he scores on Fleury more than Veronique does.
We wish we had something to give you, anything, in the form of an illustration.
But we can't. The press didn't cooperate. It's 3-2.
Meltdown or takedown. YOUR CHOICE, BOYS.

WISEST CHOICE
Fleury makes an enormous save on Eager with three people sitting on top of his head. Not even kidding or exaggerating.
Thrashers pull Pavelec, act like things matter in life.
Malkin coasts in for the empty net. Thrashers defenders try to maintain dignity by giving up on the play.
HAT TRICK CITY.

PENS WIN
4-2
NOT A PROBLEM.

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

THICKEST

Chris Thorburn, according to Bob Errey

MOST CURIOUS CASE OF GOOGLE PREDICTIVE SEARCH BOMBS

why?

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS

1. Marc-Andre Fleury - still believing in you, bb
2. Bob Errey - strong performance all night
3. Byfuglien's second stomach - it tried

We'll see the Pens play the Rangers on Monday.
The Rangers are still a team?
k.

Go Pens.

It's a Saturday night in the middle of November.
The Pens played what seemed to be their first or second truly decent game of the season Friday in Pittsburgh against Tampa. Fleury looked like himself for 60 whole minutes. We saw his lone regular season win become two. Word has just come down that he is starting again this evening in Atlanta.

It's time to make things right with the world. Exorcise any remaining demons.

First of all, reader [Megan] alerted us to the fact that Rob Rossi continues to make videos of his face talking saying things that he probably already says in his articles.
Things to notice about this:
his hair
his glasses
the turtleneck
the weird insertion of his opinions and understandings of Fleury's game, as if he's ever been an NHL goaltender and can really speak with authority on these matters
HIS FUCKING HAIR

We totally understand innovative use of new media in order to bring content to your readers.
But: a.) VIDEOS AREN'T NEW AND INTERESTING ANYMORE. b.) given the choice between glancing over a Trib article and watching SEVERAL UNNECESSARY MINUTES of Rob Rossi's face, what are you going to pick?
Do you think these videos have as many COMPLETE plays as our site has daily hits?
WHO WATCHES THIS STUFF. Would you even trust the voice of Rob Rossi to communicate Pens commentary to a blind person?
We find ourselves not remembering anything about this video other than. . .his fucking hair.
A+++++++ to Megan, whose amazing analysis of this video is truly inspiring:

In this video, Rob is sporting:
- hippie hair (which I think would probably look okay if it wasn't on Rob Rossi)
- the turleneck and blazer combo of an english professor who thinks his female students should want to sleep with him
- the glasses you wear to Starbucks when you want to publicly write on your laptop so that everyone can see that you're a writer and you're fucking important
- the soulful chin pubes of a jazz flute player (I think he missed the boat on Movember. A mustache goes on your upper lip, not your double chin. He's not saving any asses with that bullshit.)

Anyway, Fleury needs us yet again. These are the Blingees from our Call to Arms last evening:

babs12389


strudel17




These three from PH Blingee Master, TP.


incredibly solid performance from MouthGuard. The deer, the whiskey. It's like you know us.


Lia

Game starts like 15 minutes after I post this.
Make some noise.
Philips Arena = really dark inside

GO PENS

Something that you may have noticed, that we didn't really have time to notice until just now, is that Puck Huffers is now 2.

We know that we are slovenly two-year-olds. We misbehave, scream, and sit on the floor of the mall in front of the entrance to Bon-Ton when we don't want to walk anymore.
But we are gracious to those of you who read us, even though we are crazy, inconsistent, and impossible at times.
But I mean, we're like the Penguins in that way. We can't help it. Possibly beginning to think that we channel their season performance into our own.
We were born on November 10, 2008. We want to be better as we get older. We are currently opening our suggestion box to you as if it wasn't open already. Please e-mail us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any ideas or complaints. Basically, we want to hear from you. There are 156 Hair League teams but we do not feel like we know 156 of you! Also, around 500 of you visit us daily. WHO AND WHERE ARE YOU. CAN WE BE FRIENDS. DO YOU KNOW WHERE BOISE IS?
THANK YOU for making our lives better. We love each and every one of you. Always and forever. Like a good cup of coffee on a winter's day, you keep us warm inside. And yes, that is an intentionally creepy statement.

ON TO BUSINESS
THE HAIR LEAGUE HAS FINALLY BEEN UPDATED.
Sorry for the delay. The leaderboard hasn't changed, but there are a lot of teams that are definitely within reach of the top spots. It would take just one or two big hair performances from some of the outlying players to totally change this game. Think Jordan Staal when he finally comes back. Think Fleury. Think Craig Adams.
Talbot's an attention whore so you knew he was going to perform. But we know there are going to be shakeups.

Max offers his expert commentary on Lecavalier, Stamkos, and St. Louis.
Staaaaaaaaaaache.

Question: how many times has the Pens' problem been "playing 60 minutes"? Even the year we won the Cup?
How hard is it to play 60 minutes of hockey in the NHL? How many other coaches/players say this?
You've gotta wonder.
Games against Tampa are like games played in a basement while drunk.
We'll see who pukes first.

ANYWAY IT'S FRIDAY
How can we permit net-crashing when we want to put pretty much everyone in time out?
Well, some people transcend the usual human limits of selfhood and are beasts regardless of what happens otherwise in the Universe.

EVGENI MALKIN CAN CRASH MY NET

oh come on. this is like a permanent condition, not a weekly gift.

WHY HE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE THIS ENVIABLE HONOR AGAIN
Because the man just does not quit.

You can question his mental state, wonder what's "wrong" with him this year (and last year) but he tends to play with his whole body and mind. Sometimes this is a poor reflection, sometimes an excellent one, but we can't think of anyone else who plays hockey this honestly.
Against the Bruins, he looked dominant, he got pissed, he was like a bull being stuck repeatedly by a matador, but he still didn't die. He comes out every night with his heart on his sleeve, which sometimes means BAM. Big fucking goal. Sometimes it means 2 assists, but a #2 star for just looking like a monster on skates.
Good job, Gene.
We love you.

THE WHOLESOMENESS PART OF IT

DO YOU LIKE MY NEW HAT(S)

The last time we posted our favorite Brother Steven .gif, the Pens ended up losing.
Brother Steven .Gif #1 is on hiatus until the mojo changes.

What do we need tonight? FLEURY INSPIRATION .GIFS. E-mail them to us. Example:


GO PENS.

Last night was horrible. Let's be honest.
You watched 40 minutes of this game and you were like HELL YES.
This is the team I know! Look at them go! Playing a real, live hockey game and not screwing up or anything!!!
Going into the third period with a 4-2 lead can indeed be tricksy. You knew Boston was going to fight back.
But there is no excuse--none--for the nuclear disaster of epic proportions that occurred in the final 20 of this game.
How do we contemplate this issue? We absolutely can't give awards for it, that's for sure. Normally we forego awards shows because we're being lazy, but it's fucking Veterans Day and I'm not doing anything special.
I just don't know what to say. Do we rehash the good? Do we dwell on the bad?
We'll get criticism either way. If we talk about the GOOD part of this game, we risk people being like, "WHAT THE FUCK BITCHES WHY ARE YOU NOT FOCUSING ON THE PROBLEM." If we talk about the bad, people will be like, "OMG WHY SO SERIOUS." I mean, there's a reason this happened.
But I didn't have the energy to contemplate it.
Instead I ended up watching The Strangers, which was strangely appropriate.
We were stalked by masked assailants all evening, until, in the penultimate moment, after this had gone on long enough, we just got stabbed repeatedly in our torsos.
True story.
5 goals given up in the third period? Are you serious?
Where are the TRADE BRENT JOHNSON assholes? Anyone?

The deer is key.


Asham scored his first as a Pen and played nasty.
There were fights.

Mark Recchi achieved all over our faces.

Malkin was a beast. Finishing even with 21 minutes of ice time when your team gave up 7 goals isn't bad. Penguins were a -16 on the night. Malkin played hard.

He doesn't have to practice today. He should do vodka shooters and watch an SVU marathon or something. We don't care. He's fine.


BROOKS SCORED BROOKS SCORED WE LOVE HIS MOUTH AND HIS FACE LOOK AT IT.

Running out of fun things to say.
Claude Julien's face:


31.6% of you wanted to go on a date to a shady Thai restaurant with Milan Lucic.
Anyone have a reevaluation of this? We're sorry about the poll. We'll post a new one soon as well as hair league updates.

We will leave you with two things:

Cupcakes by @mybruinsoface and @xokathryn_. This may be part of the reason that the Bruins won. Baking cupcakes creates power.

Also, Asham's face:

Get yourself killed?
We believe in the Pittsburgh Penguins. The whiskey has to kick in eventually.

GO PENS.

The Bruins coming to town was probably going to be fun.
Of course, we had no idea of the frolic we would have.
. . .for 40 minutes.

Tim is fat.
Tomorrow's a holiday.
Recap then when we manage to cleanse ourselves from the radiation of fucking Chernobyl.
Go Pens.

In case you didn't know it took us until very recently to realize that it is fucking November. Posts will now be categorized as "November" posts, not that it really matters to you at home.

Stoosh gave Fleury the Cobra Scorpion Whiskey this morning.
WHY DID WE NOT THINK OF THIS SOONER.


We also have a new sidebar poll.
Vote soon! The fate of Western civilization depends on it.

Also this, from @MissSinBin on twitter:

Something more interesting later.
Go Pens.

It would be really, really daft of us to say at this point that the Pens haven't been inconsistent and disappointing. What happened in Anaheim almost wasn't surprising. We felt it. We knew it was over long before we declared it to ourselves. Getting two points out of anything was going to be tough. Like giving blowjobs out of practice.

What happened tonight wasn't expected at all.
Somehow, there was drive. After being down twice in the game, the Pens didn't give up. They held on. Brent Johnson made the big saves--that's right, Brent Johnson.
This is not the place to come for hate, analysis, or criticism.
We celebrate life. We celebrate coming out on the other side.
Boom.

MOST EPIC BEGINNINGS, EXCEPT NOT FOR US

The Coyotes already have the Epic Press on their side when they come out. They even have a sound effect of a howling Coyote, which we for some reason totally failed to notice until now. Oh hockey culture and the tacky things that you make possible.
Audible Let's Go Pens chant at the beginning gives way to Belanger scoring after Engelland totally gave up on him for some reason.

Fleury haters start hitting up nhlnumbers.com trying to figure out if we can trade for Luongo or something, then flip the game off and start looking around their basement apartments for the SpeedStick they think they saw under the bed last week, and yell up to their moms about particular missing socks.

GOAL THAT WE STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
The puck goes in, referee signals a tripping call on the play. Then there is some talk in Toronto. Bizarre, lengthy conversation. Was the whistle blown? The world may never know. Some stammering, suspect ginger says that the "call on the ice stands" and that there is a goal.

Does Radim Vrbata think this is a goal? Does he really? Well I mean, he'll take it. In our imaginations, this is the point at which Fleury is taken away by the authorities in handcuffs, muttering under his breath about his innocence, to an acoustic guitar riff borrowed from "The Mercy Seat."
Brent Johnson is in goal when the officials stop rubbing their balls all over the line to the War Room.

Fleury does not take his mask off.

Brooksie rallies the troops, gets ready to go Hannibal Lecter on some motherfuckers.

MOMENT THAT YOUR RAGE MOST BLINDED YOU TO THE TRUTH
Some distressing sequences. Vrbata is everywhere. There's a great sequence where Comrie keeps trying to find his dick instead of accepting passes. We let up a 3-on-1 that Brooks apparently made a defensive play on. Pens go crazy in front of Bryz and Crosby thinks he has a goal, but he's dead wrong, and it doesn't matter anyway because the officials call some phantom interference on Dupuis. They spend some more time on the phone. Toronto is like STOP FUCKING CALLING US YOU PUSSIES.
Replays later show that this was just off the crossbar and back out, but it's the only glimmer of hope for us to cling to.

If we keep playing like this, we'll be fine?
Another shitty power play happens, Pens look flat to end the period. Ugh.

BEST INTERMISSION INTERVIEW POSSIBLY OF ALL TIME
No one ever questions why Brooks wears the A, because he gives interviews looking like this, and speaking words of wisdom:

Also because he'll probably kill you if you question him.

BEST PREMONITIONS
Bob Errey is always one of the greater joys in our lives.
He warns us at the end of first intermission that THIS ONE'S GOING TO GET EXCITING.
You're like Bobby, don't jinx it. He's sharpening his skates in the press box in case he has to go down and suit up.
Both teams are feeling out the period for awhile, Bryz and Johnson both making saves that seem huge at the time.
Some idiot gives the puck away to Sidney Crosby in front of Bryzgalov. He gets rid of it before you even know he's got it. Goal.

OH HEY YEAH IT'S GREAT WE HAVE SIDNEY CROSBY RIGHT BUT WHERE'S EVGENI MALKIN

OH SORRY I'M OVER HERE IN THIS HUG I JUST SCORE

So, I guess it did get exciting.

MOST ENTERTAINING INTERLUDES
Teams vomit around a little in the neutral zone. Talbot has his like second noteworthy shift of the year. Pens kill a penalty or something, Steiggy and Errey are talking about how Errey always went and got the 5 cent packs of hockey cards to look for Bobby Orr and get some gum.
Engelland and Bissonnette drop the gloves and don't do much but it's just cool to see @BizNasty2point0 at it again.
Vernon Fiddler exists, much to our delight.
Johnson with an unbelievable save on Taylor Pyatt.
Then, Steiggy and Errey start expounding upon the importance of the third goal in this game, which is never a good sign.

TEMPORARY NOTICE OF POLISH BOYFRIEND SUSPENSION

Wojtek we can't even. And if you try to throw us off a porch because of this relationship sabbatical we will have to get Curry involved.
So we're back to where we were before.
Malkin keeps shooting the puck wide and the Pens blow a 5-on-3 at a crucial moment. Bryzgalov seeing everything.
But there's plenty of time left. At leas that's what we keep telling ourselves.

GOAL THAT YOU FELT COMING FOR SO LONG THAT IT HURT
Late in the period, Hanzal takes some elbowing penalty, and you're already like "can we decline this one?"
The boys start working a cycle though, without really getting any shots away. Around and around and around. Letestu is behind the net with two options to pass; the Coyotes and Bryzgalov focus on Crosby. Letestu passes to Kunitz instead. OH WAIT GOAL

Mark Letestu: smarter than all's ya'll.

PERIODS THAT WERE VERY EXCITING WITHOUT ANY SCORING GOING ON
Third period team?
Nah. We'll take our sweet time.
Radim Vrbata's sac is in our mouths.
Steiggy says Sid is playing every shift as if "the fate of the Western Civilization depends on it" as if that actually means anything, and is way too proud of himself for saying so.
Sid, Letestu, Michalek all have chances at one point or another.
But it goes to overtime, and no progress is made there either.
Pens even get a 4 on 3 power play for 1:21, but if you thought they were going to score there, you had the incorrect hero in mind.

MOST PREGNANCIES INCURRED DURING SHOOTOUT
Radim Vrbata is the first to shoot on Johnson, who makes him look like a child with his Holy Pokecheck.
Sid shoots at Bryzgalov's left pad. Sad.
Johnson stops Wolski. Wolski attacks him in a rage. Shame there are no porches around.
Letang does something completely uncreative.
And Korpikoski shoots it wide because he's stupid.
Who's up next? Just Mark Letestu.
Five hole.

OH HAI

PENS WIN
4-3 SO
DESERT JUSTICE

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

MOST DRAMATIC PORTRAIT NOT RELEVANT TO THE REST OF THIS RECAP

Tyler Kennedy

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Letestu. How does he not get a real star? Unbelievable.

2. Ilya Bryzgalov - :( sorry
3. Paul Martin - 29 minutes. Engelland basically got shit on after his bad play on the Belanger goal. So everyone else picked up the slack. THANKS PAUL.

Pens don't play til Wednesday, YES WE ACTUALLY PLAN ON ENTERTAINING YOU THIS TIME.



Go Pens