10 games remain.
Oh and then there was this:
Will probably lead to a suspension. Luckily some forwards (like Asham and the great Michael Comrie) are getting ready to go.
Chris Kunitz got the Pens ahead with a brilliant shorthanded goal, shot high on one of Lundqvist's vaunted plastic, broad shoulders, making him look like the mere child's toy that he is.
Then the Pens shit the bed on the whole game by allowing two goals in like 2 seconds.
And then 2 more goals, just for extra funsies.
Final score 5-2. Where are you going to hide the bodies?
Referees were slightly out of their minds today but that's okay. Lots of weird stuff getting called on both sides, and a lot of stuff being let go. Seemed like everyone was hungover.br>
p.s. Eminger is scum.
I've started to put all photos relevant to games that don't even deserve to be thought about in a folder on my computer called "wtf." Try it, it's fun.
Suggested methods for the resurrection of god are now being accepted in our inbox. What would your personal gameplan be for the last 10 games?
We like to call it "trying to stay afloat."
In our wildest dreams, Crosby is currently sniping shots in a secret underground ice bunker against robot goaltenders. In reality, we might be going to the playoffs with this crew. Miracles can happen.
Make your own: http://memegenerator.net/MattieCooke/
The last time the Pens played, Lauren Bacall was really hot.
First, we got some inspirational Blingee from Carla:
WINNING THE CUP
Oh that Max and his Bitches.
srs business while you recover from that seizure: Our friend and yours, Vernon Fiddler, was assessed using the new concussion protocol and was fine.
SO FAR ANYWAY.
MouthGuard sent us these peppers as well. His presence is strong in New York.
Kris is intently trying to figure out what makes the pepper pyramid's shape so strong.
Marc-Andre will destroy his progress, but Pepper will always re-form.
Comrie's head became a pepper leering over Engo's shoulder.
Really stunning things happen behind the scenes.
First and foremost, there really isn't an easy way to factor in substitutions, as far as we yet know, with our current spreadsheet layout. So, if you submitted a substitution to us after about the midpoint of the season (and really, that's the only time that we got any), we have saved it. This is how it will work:
SUBSTITUTION POINTS WILL BE TABULATED AT THE END OF THE REGULAR SEASON BY HAND. We know your sub, we know the date and time that it was sent to us. After the last game of the regular season, we will subtract your original player's points from after the date of substitution, and add your substituted player's points from that point forward.
No, it's not going to be easy, but it will probably cause the least headache.
If you'd like to volunteer to help us add points up, feel free to send us an e-mail. i.e. you have more time on your hands than we do, which is admirable.
Apparently it's St. Patrick's day, which is apparently a real holiday.
By now surely you've seen this:
ZACH PARISE AS DETECTIVE ZACH PARISE is a classic that we will use for years.
Enjoying Zach Parise, if you didn't already, can be your gift to yourself this St. Patrick's Day.
You know what we miss?
download your copy of Gimp 2.6 today and get to work.
I'd make you a new one, but between the bizarre picture and the Rangers reference (and Ryan Whitney), I was a little torn.
Inspirational Peppers for the Penguins between now and Sunday would be most welcome.
So it's pretty amazing what this team can still do, ammirite?
I'm wondering how long I can hold off on making this corn dish reference.
This should be interesting.
Red carpet, plz?
Why thank you!
The people of Ottawa are as worthless as this corn dish in a Pittsburgh area home:
Seriously Zoe and I laughed over this product's existence for a good 10 minutes.
We're Fayette County trash so maybe we just don't get it, but really, are you certain this has to exist?
(Totally blew my load too early there.)
Anyway, they are all skipping about while the Penguins are brewing in secret hate for the Sens simply for breathing their air. Somewhere, this is happening:
In Zoe's words, "What a cesspool."
Then, Kovie comes out onto the ice.
Dapper, handsome, former Ottawa Senator and future Mr. Kimberlass.
These people have the sheer audacity to BOO THE LEGEND.
Okay, Okay, Pens fans have a history of mild boo'ing at Kovie ourselves, but this is a fact I will ignore for shame, and remind all of you to never boo anyone unless they are fat, and I mean bad fat, not Rick "Diesel" Nash fat. (This is apparently his nickname, according to this tweet.)
Needless to say, we go into this game irate.
Luckily it starts off fast and we begin to think it could be a good, close game.
OH HOW THE YOUNG DREAM.
MOST DESERVING OF A HUG
Some nonsense happens for a while and we start to wonder what Diesel's hoodie smells like, and then everything comes back to life and before we know it TK gets a beautiful deflection into the net from Paul Martin's shot.
Looks like Chris has a sad, but we'll save our hugs for the President of deflections and President of our hearts.
Oh, okay, and for you CanBot.
(It was "Weird Amazon Product Day" today in PH land)
MOST FETUS-Y FACE
Just to make sure we were paying attention, before the end of the first period Deryk tells Chris Neil what is what.
Seriously, Chris Neil, why is your face so gross and why are your hands so tiny and pale?
We disapprove, in general.
MOST DELAYED REACTIONS
My feed of the game is so delayed from reality that by the time this happens for Zoe:
This is still happening for me:
What was happening was some rapid fire shooting.
First, a blast from Kovie ends up ping-balling around the net for what felt like an eternity, finally to be put in.
Shannon (her first name) ends up getting the goal back pretty quickly, but moments later Staal and Lovejoy make beautiful friendship bracelets on the ice, exchange them, and Lovejoy sinks a goal that makes our hearts melt.
WORST USE OF THE WAR ROOM
When we think of the war room, we like to think of it as the control room of a submarine under attack - all distressing noises, and men with glasses yelling at one another over screens as an alarm sounds in the background.
We really don't see it as the type of place to examine obvious puck movements because some people will get pissy if we don't do it.
No distinct kicking motion (obvs) means that Cookie gets credit for a little messy maneuver in front of the net.
Photos are sparse, so we'll call upon this little number:
THE LEAST EXTINGUISHABLE FIRE
Michalek cannot be stopped recently, and that continued this evening as he sailed one past Anderson, acting as though he were simply brushing some dust off of his shoulder.
BEST JOB BY KITCHEN APPLIANCES
Zack Smith, who feels left out because we never say anything bad about him, tries to pick a fight with every unicorn themed tool we have in our homes, which turns out to be a lot.
Anyway, our kitchen appliances are having none of that shit, for the record, and this puts us ahead for the whole half a minute before the refs slap something onto Rupp, and then shorthanded for a moment after.
WILL THE SENS PULL IT OUT IN THE FINAL MOMENTS?
What, are you kidding?
Anyone who needs multiple items for one single piece of food gets both honors this evening.
HOW HARD IS CORN PEOPLE
(Apparently as hard as strawberries, because there are a few products to help with those too.)
Anyway, while we sit here, marveling at how retarded people are with food that comes from the ground that we have been eating since forever, please take comfort in the fact that our team is the shit and totally useful, like a good steak knife.
And we're never losing again.
Kim made a post yesterday evening after the game, but continuing with the "God is Dead" theme of this season, it was probably eaten by something very evil and very hungry.
We are currently in pursuit of the beast and will take the post, whole and undigested, out of its churning stomach.
SID IS FUCKING SKATING
This is Kim. Joomla is for some reason not allowing me to post. Also, my phone is dead and my cell phone charger is about 6 hours away from me, so Zoe probably thinks I'm dead. I am alive, however, and trying to figure out my computer issues.
Never losing again.
For obvious reasons, I don't really want to give you an in depth recap on this one.
Our 200th consecutive sold out game went something like this:
Yeah. Not so good.
This was a horribly frustrating game to watch. Everytime we got a chance in the offensive zone, the Habs had it off the glass and out. Everytime they got the puck on their sticks it was dumped deep and we spent the rest of our lives trying to get it out.
I think life just ended for the two Pens fans bottom right in the yellow gold jerseys.
I never knew giving up the first goal of an early March game to be quite so devastating.
After the Habs 3rd unanswered goal, Fleury willingly exited the net. Note he was not chased. Fleury doesn't get chased out of fucking no where. All parties simply agreed that the best thing was for MAF and his beloved posts to part ways until tomorrow.
I'm not blaming MAF for this one in anyway. The guys were flat all game and there's only so much a goalie can do for you in a situation like that.
Brent Johnson steps in for the last 30 something minutes to keep the score less embarassing than it could have been.
Was not actually captured on film in this game, despite being much more than a pretty face.
2 and 3
FYI I have nicknamed Lovejoy/Engelland Loveland. I'm writing Bylsma to make sure that they are always paired together.
In case you want to have a pity party, here's a stat to add some flavour to the punch: 265 man games lost. That's one fuck of a lot. However, instead of a pity party, I suggest getting PISSED and breaking shit. Breaking shit always makes me feel better.
Oilers tomorrow at 3.
NEVER LOSING AGAIN
Breaking news: Habs fans have actually persuaded the Montreal police to criminally investigate Chara's hit on Max Pacioretty.
What's the public verdict on Jordan's hair? Since this is our first at-length, truly intimate view of it.
It should certainly increase his aerodynamic quality.
We want it to grow out a little bit more. You know. . .juuuust a little.
Check out this liveblog of the Blackhawks meeting Obama today.
The President's remarks will be coming up soon outside on the South Lawn, and the White House buzz is this championship ceremony is particularly special with any number of Chicagoans working for the Administration.
Sounds like an excerpt from Emily Post's Etiquette. Like we're announcing the coming out party of a bunch of debutantes.
Speaking of beautiful debutantes:
Over/under on how many times MaxTal hit on the Penguin handler: go.
Oh and Go Pens.
Why does it seem like everyone is getting their head hurt lately? By now you've seen Chara's hit on Max Pacioretty. We're not going to cry "omg so illegal" on it or anything, but Chara knows better. So much better.
Observe, via our friend Sooska on FB:
We're still working out the kinks with the Hair League.
Our current problem is that we're getting requests for substitutions that we can't substitute because our spreadsheet isn't set up yet to allow for them without putting in all of the previous points from the player who is being substituted--i.e. people keep requesting to sub Brent Johnson, but that would magically give their team like 200 extra points, until we revise the spreadsheet and its various equations.
Regardless, we're accepting your submissions and will process them soon.
We take the Hair League very seriously and update it daily.
if we did a playoff version of the Hair League, would you be interested in playing?
also, if you won the Hair League, what prize would you want to have? within reason, but feel free to be fantastical as well.
Your answers are important to the State of the Union.
ALSO, Dan Bylsma got a contract extension, like you didn't know that was going to happen. Total badass.
He didn't. :(
It's funny that for once we can worry about something other than hanging onto the 1-goal lead in the last 30 seconds, or about that other player that left in the second period and will not return because of a lower body injury.
Like the Sabres thought they could get away with that stupid early goal. They freed hair, which released some holy energy into Consol Energy Center, and there was clearly no going back.
Michalek scored, and warmed our hearts with his Czechness. James Neal scored. Someone in the press had a major crush on Kovalev:
We'd say more, but we were overwhelmed by the nougat that is Tyler Myers' brain:
Still trying to figure out how he's still alive. But that's a story for another day.
Kim wants me to tell you that she says (and I quote exactly), "Hi."
Now that we've got Neal and Michalek and Kovalev and Niskanen out of the way, everyone who is new to the party has scored this season as a Penguin. We're a family now. Bring it.
Short/nonexistent post because big Hair League changes and updates are in the works.
Happy Birthday to Eric Godard. Pretty much nothing else going on today.
Kunitz is expected to play soon, and Orpik and Asham are progressing.
So is Comrie, of all people. Could be the redemption story of the year.
Sidney Crosby's sister also had a concussion. Christ.
Guy Boucher put Adam Hall in for the shootout. Caps had Ovechkin and Semin. Yeah.
Keep an eye on Oilers/Philly tomorrow, too.
ZOË AND KIM WILL BE TOGETHER FOR TOMORROW'S GAME, NOT AT IT BUT TOGETHER NONETHELESS. Rejoice!
Word on the street is that Jason Pominville's missing chromosomes have not yet been found.