Just something about this picture that suddenly makes all of the shenanigans of the last year okay, that makes Consol Energy Center okay, that gives us a supreme sense of confidence about the coming months.
Like looking at the future.
You probably support the Mellon Arena memorial idea that Matt (PensBoozeAnger on Twitter) came up with that Pensblog is propagating and which you may have heard mentioned by Mark Madden before he awkwardly segwayed into a discussion about the Tennessee Titans. Come on, this would be cute. A little unsure how it would look considering the partitions in the window, but worth a look fersher.
If you're not hopping on Twitter to read a blow-by-blow of training camp (i.e. those of us who can't make it due to other obligations or egregious geographical inconvenience), you're missing out. Check out the following:
pghpenguins (obviously dur)
Any other good ones? Leave them in the comments.
Hockey is the only reason that we're on Twitter (with the possible exceptions of winstonbananas and SpigotTheBear).
Get some. Learn some.
A vote has been passed to demolish the Civic Arena, which we can now call it again since Mellon's naming rights expired over the summer.
The only question probably is when, since there will probably be court battles involved in saving it.
It would certainly be nice to find a way to use it again, but we all know that the cost-effectiveness of converting it into a usable structure for other purposes versus putting in a fucking parking lot is an obvious choice for bureaucrats. You can't have another arena competing with the Consol right across the street; it causes a lot of event-planning ambiguity and nightmares. A proposition we've heard floating around is turning it into some kind of atrium-community-center but it would cost a lot of money to convert, probably more money than you will make in your lifetime. We don't know what's best for the Hill since we don't live there. Let's just say: it'll be a sad day when the Civic Arena is gone.
When the fuck is training camp? Oh, this weekend? fjklsdfjsdlfjdsklfhndsjkslkfjdsklhl
blah blah Jordan Staal foot infection blah blah blah. He will get better soon and we have faith.
People are already upset that they didn't get the chance to pick Mike Comrie, but all's fair in love and war. Maybe you should have waited to pick your team, or maybe you should have compared the ratio of casual pics on Google image search in which he is wearing a hat.
In regards to duplicate teams:
We had no idea that this many people would enter. So far nearly 100 people have done so. Obviously there is a finite number of teams that can be created, and there will be duplicates. Basically it doesn't matter unless duplicate teams are involved in the top 3 rankings at the end of the season. If it turns out that a HUGE amount of people are tying at the top, we'll launch into a playoff round before distributing prizes, in which you will be forced to pick different players, and it is possible that different criteria will be set for points.
Seeing as the Hair League is 100% experimental, we obviously don't have all of the kinks worked out.
We're equally surprised at the volume of entrants as it is still Summer in Hockeyland and our attempts to plug it to bigger sites failed. We expected 30 people, maybe 50. The response has been overwhelming and we are working on advanced technology (like AutoSum in Numbers) to keep track of your scores.
There's no way in hell we'll be posting all of the scores every week, just maybe the top 10-20 depending on how the points are distributed. We will post each player's point total. You can add three numbers together and keep up with your own score. You're not retarded. If you're super lazy you don't have to do it until the last day of the regular season--but really, we're not babysitting you.
It is a Hair League. Let's keep this point fresh in our minds.
Eventually we'll post a list of thoughts and feelings regarding certain picks. We don't want to unduly influence any future picks. These are truly delicate matters.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE DROP THE STUPID PUCK OMFG.
We’ve decided to try our hand at organizing a fantasy game this season, but it’s a little bit different from any fantasy hockey you’ve ever played before. We will be awarding fantasy points based on ... hair. Seriously. We’re posting this way early so that we can work on the necessary technical details. We’ll basically be managing this the old-fashioned way, with a spreadsheet, because there’s literally no other way to do it, and we want the time to make sure everything is put together properly. Here’s how it works:
- If you are interested in playing, you must pick three players from the current active Penguins roster.
- We will assign points throughout the season based on appearances of each player’s hair.
- We will update points throughout the season for each player and post the top ranking entrants.
- There will be a grand prize winner and two runners-up. Prizes TBA but previous winners of Puck Huffers prizes can testify that we’re pretty good at them. PH Staff will be having teams but we won’t be eligible for prizes, obviously.
- One team per person, please. We’re tracking your IP addresses and if you’re seriously willing to cheat to win a hair-based fantasy league, you’re a dick. If we find out that you have cheated and your team has placed, we reserve the right to send your prize to somebody else.
- 3 points will be awarded for each video on the Penguins website in which a player’s hair is fully visible (no hat, helmet, etc.) The primary source of these points will likely be posted interviews.
- 5 points will be awarded for every press photo of that type that we can find (most likely on daylife.com).
- 5 points will be awarded for an intermission interview during a game without a hat or helmet.
- 10 points will be awarded for a player being seen in-game or on the bench without a hat or helmet. (3 points only if this is before/during the national anthem[s], between periods, or after the game has ended.)
- You may lobby for points to be awarded to a player if you find something that we haven’t seen--for example, if you are watching the game on a different network or you find a photo that you think is worthy of points in a magazine or different news site. Take a screenshot/picture for proof and e-mail it to us. If we approve the new source of points, the person who submitted gets 2 extra points awarded to their team, and every person who has the submitted player on their team gets the proposed points.
- If a player is put on LTIR, you are expected to submit a substitution. If you don’t, none will be made. The player can still earn points while on injured reserve through press photos and interviews and submitted material.
- If a player is traded during the season, you are expected to submit a substitution, but if you don’t, we will replace him with the with the person who has earned the nearest amount to the traded players’ points without going under.
- We also understand that at this point, the Pens’ roster for opening day isn’t set in stone, and that the roster fluctuates throughout the year. In the event that one of your players is demoted to WBS before the season begins, you must submit a substitution, or have your team disqualified. If the player is demoted during the season, you are expected to submit a substitution--if you do not, however, none will be made. The player can still continue to earn points, however material/photos from WBS Pens-related media and games will not count. The evidence of hair must appear during an NHL broadcast or on the Pittsburgh Penguins website. If the player is called up on another occasion he will continue to earn points. Go with your gut as to whether to substitute him or not--the substitution cannot be revoked if the player is called up again.
- 7 bonus points will be awarded on the last day of every month to each player who has sported a significant amount of facial hair (beyond scruff/five o’clock shadow) at any point during that month. This includes mustaches. 7 points only, even if he has a beard the whole friggin’ month--facial hair is not the heart and soul of this game.
- Points begin being awarded when the puck drops at Consol Energy Center on October 7th. Any pregame ceremonies/anthems/press circuses at that game will not count.
Like any fantasy game, we believe that success in this game will be due to a combination of knowledge and luck. You need to know what sorts of in-game situations are likely to happen to certain players, what their media presence is like. You could also benefit from picking someone entirely out of left field and getting lucky. Be smart, be lucky. Or just have fun.
Sound good to you? Thought so. Enter using this form:
Good luck to everyone. May the best hair win. Go Pens.
Not a ton of stuff is going on.
[utterfrivolity] and [Ava] should expect presents within the next couple of weeks.
Here are some other favorites from the contest:
There will be an open house on Saturday at CEC. Check it out.
Tickets are $5 and go to charity.
We might be able to hit that up, but in the event that we can't, we might be holding an emergency contest for tickets. Keep your eyes peeled.
The big story yesterday that you might consider relevant to us is the release of the Reebok Women's "Champagne" jersey. We actually don't know anything about this, believe it or not. We're generally of the opinion that if you don't think a jersey in the style that the players wear is attractive enough for you, your priorities as a hockey fan are way off. But the NHL keeps forgetting to ask for our seal of approval on things. We might have to issue them an official reprimand at some point.
A lot of big talk has been going on about NHL contracts and the policing of them, etc. Again, we basically believe that if a guy wants to play for a specific team for the right reasons, and the team is amicable to that, the agent, GM, and player will all get together and make it work in a way that isn't shitty. We will judge a player by his contract. A shitty or sneaky contract often belies what we perceive as personal issues on the part of the player or the negotiating GM. Which is why we appreciate the "non-awful person rule" that Ray Shero has made regarding people who he will seriously talk numbers with. Ilya Kovalchuk is a bag of dicks, his contract showed that, and the NHL recognized--not in a consistent or classy fashion, but they did it nevertheless. When we get some consistency, we will be a better league for it. In the meantime, dicks will be dicks. People who want contracts like Kovalchuk's aren't people we want on our team.
Part of our strategy for 2010-11 should definitely be Beating The Devils, though. We can't afford to be wet blankets again, especially with Girl Jeans Ilya streaking down the wing six times a year. Vomit.
Basically "people are assholes" is all we're trying to say and we don't deal with that.
In this final (painful) stretch of summer, try to remember:
Seriously upgraded defense.
Chances are you have AC in your car.
(If you don't, we're sorry.)
We love you.
Well, unless it's these two.
Yesterday was interesting, to say the least. For a press conference that was essentially useless, we sure learned a lot about what the Winter Classic is going to be like. Of course, we expected this, but it's nice to see the pieces finally star to fall together. This isn't just the 2011 Winter Classic. For Pens fans, this is the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. On one hand, we get new, shiny things. And on the other hand, we're modernizing in a way that isn't quite Pittsburgh, and is more global. I mean, we're still surprised when we realize that people elsewhere in the world know that Pittsburgh exists. So when Bettman's in town it's always a surreal experience.
Mock-up of the rink. Not a terrible view, but depressingly horizontal. And we can peek a corner of downtown. Sort of. God, what desolation.
You gotta hand it to Pittsburghers. They're the only people who would build a stadium that is largely bright yellow and not think it was the most obnoxious thing ever. We love tackiness.
Let's examine this photograph for its subtext. First: the Pittsburgh Winter Classic logo is excellent. The yellow bridge, the black mountains, the river? Worth a thousand words about the heritage of the city. Good choice. Some graphic designer just did something good. As PH Staff comes from a town that has produced hundreds of ill-fated graphic designers, we are proud.
Bettman is in the foreground, saying something, we don't actually remember what he was saying.
Sid is in the background, making a face like he just smelled shit--but looking quite striking in a nice blue polo.
This is basically the NHL's strategy for marketing Crosby in a nutshell.
But I mean, at least he showed up:
Ovechkin didn't. Now, this press conference was total BS (I mean they didn't even provide any uniform info! but more on that later) and we totally understand that he probably had better things to do. Still, the fact that the Capitals are trusting their PR with guys like Knuble and David Steckel says a lot. First, both of those guys were class acts. Second, captains sometimes put aside "better things to do" to show up and support an event. David Steckel definitely didn't have anything better to do yesterday. . .so it's really nothing special.
Possibly the best thing to come out of the cast of characters present at Heinz Field:
FUCKIN' FOOTBALLS HOW DO THEY WORK
Sid doesn't know. Mike doesn't know. Who knows?
Miracles up in this bitch.
but what caused the most media frenzy yesterday?
Max Talbot calling Ovechkin a douche on the radio. You can find it in the list of interviews here.
Of course, some people were upset and they were made fun of verily on Twitter and the like. We're over it. Everyone's a douche at one time or another.
We still want to get Sasha and Zhenya's Comedy Hour back together. Doesn't mean we want to hang out with the guy or anything. He's probably an uncomfortable asshole, and we definitely have criticisms about his style of play and handling of media situations. Max Talbot can say whatever he wants. We don't really hate anyone except like, Chris Osgood.
Now: the logo mysteries.
This excellent post at Icethetics basically says everything you need to know about the logos that were shown at Heinz Field yesterday up on the scoreboard.
Pensblog posted a large version of the Pens logo:
At the bottom of this post you can see that they also received a tip that the Pens might be using the weird jerseys that the Pens wore from 1977 to 1980, which, if we use the modern convention of dark sweaters for home games, they'll be wearing a kind of dark blue. This doesn't jive with the skating-penguin-in-scarf logo that we saw at Heinz, but okay. Either way we have to wait awhile before the jerseys are unveiled.
Then we have to decide which player's name we're getting on it to wear. As long as it's not completely fugz.
This is going to be such a beautiful disaster.
Update: official word from Pens that John Barbero has passed.
We wanted his voice in Consol. A very, very, very sad day.
A lot has been going on lately, believe it or not. Really, though, we can't claim we're privy to it personally.
We just love hockey. It is seriously about high time that the season starts and puts us out of our misery.
Rumors going around that Pens announcer John Barbero was not doing very well today and may have passed away this evening. No confirmation, but either way you should keep him and his family in your thoughts. What. A. Voice. Overenthusiastic monster truck guys like they have in Washington should respect.
Our Blingee contest does indeed have a resolution. Here is a mere taste of what is to come:
from our personal Blingee Master, [TP]
Finally, Consol Energy Center glimmering in yesterday's sunshine after the big rainstorm:
If you've been to CEC lately, it feels like an exhibit from the future. All of the gates are named after companies. The inside looks bright white like a concept sketch--which is strangely exciting.
The old barn:
Might be one of the last times I get to see it.
She's pretty, isn't she?
That's all for now. Big stuff coming soon. I know we keep promising that, but we still think next season is "soon."
We have no concept of time. If we did we'd die waiting for hockey.
FOR HAPPY NEWS:
check out pittsburghpenguins.com tomorrow at NOON for a live stream of the press conference where we get big-time Winter Classic logo/uniform announcements and Gary "Horsehair Plaster" Bettman action. Dear god.
As you probably know, the Pens have been having prospect camp. No one in PH-land has been able to attend prospect camp, so we recommend checking out the vids/commentary from Eric P at Pensblog:
Prospect camp concludes tomorrow with a 3pm practice at Southpointe.
We may update this post later with info from friends who got to attend camp today/earlier in the week.
Also, does Eric Tangradi's voice scare anybody else? It's so deep. Kind of unreal.
You know it's summer 'cause there's some big time video about installing carpet:
CEC got the Frozen Four in 2013. Wooooo and stuff, yeah you probably knew all this already.
But it is July and we've got nothing.
We're trying to put together some kind of coloring activity for everybody.
BUT IN THE MEANTIME:
Last post, somebody suggested a Blingee challenge. So, we present:
The Jailbait Blingee Challenge!
Blingee current prospects from around the NHL and/or European leagues.
For players who are now older than 21, feel free to use an old picture.
The winner will receive a secret prize package to be determined later, but all submissions will be posted for your enjoyment/seizure.
update: some news going on about the Pens' Winter Classic sweater. *tingle*