Oh so here is Gene being the best person of all time:
The Fan Police will have you believe that he did something wrong, that he made a faux pas by calling this "the best day of his life."
It probably is the best day of his life, idiots. When else has he been able to confidently present himself to the entire world and explain, in English, how thankful he is to be where he is today?
I mean really. He did a good job. He's having a great time. He's an adult human being now and he has earned multifaceted respect from the hockey universe that extends beyond one superhuman Cup run. Lots of people have superhuman Cup runs and then fade into obscurity. Gene is not that player. He doesn't have to cling to former glory because there is more for him to do. So whatever. Suck it.
This season changed the game and not all of it has been good--in fact most of it has been bad. But there's always tomorrow. Depending on what happens this summer, everything could be different. Cherish it.
Oh so here is Gene being the best person of all time:
Here's to us. Who's like us? DAMN FEW.
Congratulations to the LA Kings on their victory, and congratulations to Rob Scuderi, who is awesome and deserves great things.
Enjoy your summer, friends.
And, as always:
Because accusing people of being pedophiles is HILARIOUS, rite?
Link to the post.
apparently making graphics containing inappropriate statements that you don't agree wtih and plastering on the Internet is acceptable?
I mean we're all for free speech, when it isn't outlandish and hateful.
Pedophiles molest children.
Brooks Orpik is a hockey player.
What on earth makes someone request this graphic in the first place?
Basement-dwelling bullshit on the level of Reddit.
Which is apparently from a Penguins fan?
Girl you gotta get your mind right. There are some things we don't make lulz. Violence and sex can be made campy--that's why those are our jokes. Really isn't anything you can do to camp-ify child abuse and general inappropriate behavior.
EVERYTHING IS HILARIOUS
Probably on the Kings bandwagon screaming into the void and fellating everyone.
I know we shouldn't be mad at the Kings or hoping they don't win because they're an 8 seed, wouldn't that be cool
But we're just assholes. We're not sorry. THE HIPSTEREST OF THE HIPSTERS AND THE BEARDS AND THE URBAN OUTFITTERS
Could Ilya ever swap out his early-2000's girl jeans for some pegged black slacks and some flannel?
With Ham Jizz we stand.
feel free to discuss the SCF in the comments, if you still love us.
Isn't all of this Internet chirping getting out of hand?
I mean. That's an erroneous statement. People have been dicks about being fans of something since fandom came to be and since people started using words, so it's been probably millions of years since this whole chirping thing has been ~out of hand.
We'll say it right now and we don't care who reads it: the cocky Kings fans right now need to get fucking humble. It's the Stanley Cup, it isn't exactly easy, and just because some dude on some other team is laid a cheap shot on one player one time doesn't mean that no one on your team hasn't done the same thing. It also doesn't mean that your fans are better or more knowledgeable or that no one on your team can be called an asshole, a diver, or a piece of shit scumbag.
IT'S HOCKEY EVERYONE CHIRPS, EVERY TEAM EMPLOYS SOMEONE WHO HAS AT ONE TIME DONE SOMETHING QUESTIONABLE, AND EVERY TEAM HAS GOOD AND BAD FANS.
Even Atlantapeg. We'll concede it.
If you have a problem with that you should probably go eat a dick or something WOOOOOO SEE DID WE GET CHIRPING DOWN RIGHT.
also that one guy on your team is a scumbag he was probably in with Hitler as early as the 20's so SHUT UP.
The way this game ended was lame. Coyotes get a defenseman (well, it was Michal Roszival) taken down by Dustin Brown (being a punk) and he has to be helped off the ice and all of a sudden. . .~goal~.
Sad day. We wanted to see Ray Whitney raise it this year.
Based on NBC's camera angle, they did get close enough to intimately brush cheeks. Someone write the one-shot NC-17 fanfic on LiveJouranl STAT!
Brown is a coward. but you knew this.
Quick, Doughty, Kopitar, etc. all solid players. Our anger is based on being outnumbered. We thirsted for blood, what we got was a fucking fairytale, and we aren't even in it.
We are on Team Christmas Ham for the lulz and to piss everyone off.
But we really do love Zach Parise (aka one of many Captain Americas) and Petey. Yes, the Petey you all know and love. Even if he isn't playing at the moment.
The Rangers are whatevs.
At this point we want the outcome that is going to piss off the maximum amount of people.
It's sports, it's the one area of your life where it's permissible to be bitter.
So hop on the Devils train, it's the flag we're flying. If they win the Cup we might buy Brodeur jerseys.
Take nothing we say to heart.
Go Pens. Go Devils.
Come on if Brooks Orpik thinks being gay is perfectly all right how can you say no?
Do you want to wake up with your family eviscerated?
We love You Can Play. I mean we're the kind of people who like to make firm stances about equality ~in general~ but their narrow focus is bringing attention to a very important issue.
Also, Brooks Orpik.
We're in a fight with the Coyotes btw and we know everyone is on LA's dick but really.
Team New Jersey? GO PENS
Officially Team Marty/Petey/Mark Fayne unf unf.
newfound respect for The Fat.
~GO PENS~ IN THE FUTURE AND BEYOND
but the Devils are our boys tonight.
Hey let's check out some more awful experiences in applying to be a member of the promotional crew for a hockey team!
Today we lose respect for the Columbus Blue Jackets organization. Just a smidge. God damn it.
Check out the application here, all interested young folks.
It's all going really well until you get to the part where you have to upload a picture.
Then there is some small, gray text.
But I mean only the ladies.
Wouldn't want any women who don't have rock-hard flat stomachs, regardless of athleticism/ability to skate, doing fan promotions in PUBLIC of all places.
We really need to know why it is the norm for NHL teams to discriminate against women based on their bodies. We understand, as we discussed in our super controversial post about the Penguins ice crew, that this is an entertainment position and that they should hire outgoing, friendly people who present themselves well.
But I mean, break out the bikinis, right?
Notice that men aren't asked to show their stomachs.
Let's shame women based on their topless appearance!
Clearly this will get us the most enthusiastic, capable, and qualified applicants!
Anyone who says "sex sells, I like to look at ice girls" is perfectly entitled to that opinion; however, we are of the belief that hockey isn't an appropriate venue for this kind of judgment.
We also understand that this type of work can be considered a resume-builder for people interested in modeling and other types of public, advertising work based on appearance.
But obviously, there are other kinds of beauty.
That is a larger problem with society, but still.
It's like, god forbid we parade women around who don't fit this particular paradigm of fitness and beauty.
How about we stop parading around women?
To the credit of the NHL Blue Jackets Twitter (and the fact that this post probably means nothing and no one who works in hockey promotions at all will ever care about our opinion, because that's the way the world works), they did respond to me:
That page, by the way, can be found here, and looks like this. Couldn't get the whole spread in the pic, but you get the idea:
We also don't want to hate on these women or these men.
We hope they feel awesome about their bodies and are happy people. We also hope they are good at their jobs.
And they're probably nice people. It's not my job to shame them for fitting into the mold, so to speak.
But on the other hand, this is a backwards response.
Why do you have to make women send you pics of their stomachs? Because of the uniform.
But why do you have the uniform? Because we want this type of stomach.
It all comes down to the application process. It's skeezy and inequitable because it never comes out and says what it is, explicitly. I don't know why everyone is okay with skirting around the issue: we're hiring women based largely on their sex appeal because sexy women thrown into the mix at hockey games is a generally accepted marketing practice that we are totally behind. We want model types. No fatties.
It's not simply an exercise in doing arena work in the realm of fan promotions. It's never going to be about your enthusiasm or ability to do the work. It's something else entirely and it always will be. It just looks so sneaky on the page.
And yes: it sends a negative sexual message to females who are interested in working in sports entertainment at any level.
or maybe we're just butthurt because we're not pretty or something idk.
The Columbus Blue Jackets organization is still one of our favorites and it's a team we'll stand behind every day of the week because we want to see them succeed, but the game is played on the ice and we don't have to approve of this from any sports organization.
Women are people who deserve a legitimate place in any organization's payroll, but we really think something is wrong when a minor part of the arena experience that could be fun for EVERYONE is reduced to a judmgent call about women's stomachs. There are lots of people at the game who probably don't care, including straight female fans, homosexual male fans, and children. We totally understand that this type of promotional crew is crafted to appeal most to the heterosexual male fan who apparently needs some extra eye candy, but isn't it time to stop crafting your marketing strategy to appeal to just one type of person? Is it socially acceptable yet to dig diversity? That the fan experience at the arena can be bettered by trimming all of this stupid stuff and focusing on creating an inclusive community that doesn't have an undertone of random sex appeal?
We honestly don't know what the Pepsi Power Patrol even does. They apparently don't have to skate.
It just seems so old-fashioned and stupid that we continue to pay women to appeal to someone else's idea of "hot."
come at me bro
Thanks, Blue Jackets Organization, for dealing with this better than the Penguins did.
i.e. with silence.
whoever runs the CBJ Twitter is definitely all right.
REASONS YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR THE COYOTES FOR THE REST OF THE POSTSEASON
1. Ray Whitney
Ray Whitney is the kind of guy who plays his balls off.
He is also nearing 40 and continues to be an extremely prolific scorer on a team that would never be considered "high octane."
He is also kind of adorable. But w/e.
If there's any player nearing retirement age who deserves another Cup we think it's this guy. The Coyotes pulled off a stunner against Nashville last night thanks to his heroics, and it was a great OT goal born of perseverance.
Speaking of what got Phoenix to that great moment, however. . .
2. MIKE FUCKING SMITH AND HIS BALLS (BIGGER THAN YOURS)
This is Mike Smith's time to shine.
He played for the Stars and Tampa before this so it's not like he had a lot of realistic playoff dreams to hold onto.
The Coyotes are really pulling off an underrated performance in general, but Mike Smith is the man who is keeping them in it. He is robotic in the best possible way.
This is the guy who set a record for shots on goal against in a regular season shutout. I mean the previous recordholder was Craig Anderson. But clearly he is in his element and heating up at the right time of the year. To be tending goal like this as a 161st overall draft pick must be pretty cool.
We believe in his capacity for championship. He is kind of a swarthy mystery.
He just doesn't even care. And he proved his superiority to Pekka Rinne, at least for one night. His performance will likely decide this series.
3. Rostislav Klesla
Warrior whose name is fun to say.
Also, great if you are a Penguins fan who misses rooting for a responsible d-man who can get shots on net from the blueline.
4. Do you really care about Alexander Radulov?
Nope, us neither.
REASONS YOU MIGHT WANT TO ROOT FOR NASHVILLE
Cases can be made for all 4 teams remaining in the West, however.
If you're rooting for anyone in the East, well. . .good luck and you suck.
Will be periodically running Coyotesblog til the bitter end.
Go Yotes, Go Pens
We've been calling for Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen to be the theme of this series and somehow it's making more sense because we lost and this isn't exactly the most thrilling song of all time.
Some luxury car used this in their commercial with some fucking vampires. Idiots.
This offseason is probably going to be tumultuous. This isn't a club that should expect or appreciate first round exits.
We believe that the Penguins mentally lost this game more than the Flyers won it from them, and that anyone who says otherwise is making shit up.
But we're biased, obviously.
Giroux is still a misogynist. Surprisingly little Twitter chirping re: our article yesterday except some guy who said he wanted to take us to dinner and then not call us. A veteran move.
There's a lot to look forward to, though. Just not today.
One of these days. More crushing defeat pics to come, most likely.
We are on the Phoenix Coyotes/Louisiana Muskrats bandwagon for the rest of the season.
but, as an addendum, we are with you and the Pens through the thick and thin.
thanks for being magical.
go pens, forever.